Crystal Jordan :: Blog

The play went pretty well! We even got a standing ovation (not my fave kind of standing O, but it’ll do in a pinch). We only had two major flub-ups and I don’t even think the audience could tell. Backstage was a chaotic nightmare, onstage it was a very slightly long pause. We were scrambling to get the lead actress out of the bathroom and up the stairs and onstage because no one called down and told everyone intermission was over.

Oops.

Not my side of the stage though, so I think some slight flogging went on on the other side over the incident.

The second is that when the lead actor gets eaten by the ginormous plant, he needs to rush back stage and we have about ten seconds to strip his sweaty body down and stuff him into a full tux while everything is sticking to him because of the aforementioned sweat. So, when they go into the plant they have to go in feet first and then we close the mouth and they automatically get stood on their feet so we can grab them out of the back.

Well, today he decided it would be cooler to go in head first, which means he got stood on his head and when we pulled him out he was trying to do an Army-style elbow crawl across the floor while subtly crushing the plant’s counterweights into the techie’s foot. I really do think the techie’s toe was broken. Not sure if he’ll be back tomorrow. However, we did manage to stuff the actor into his tux and get him onstage for the final scene.

All in all, not bad.

I. Am. So. Tired.

I cannot think of anything witty or clever to say today because my brain is all fried and mushy from too many late nights doing grunt work at play practice. So, I think I’ll bitch about the “issues” of this play. First, the people are wonderful. Polite. Kind. Grateful for the help I provide. So, pretty much, this is a good experience overall. But, the low-budget production has created some mishaps and outrageous funkiness for this production of “Little Shop of Horrors.” And there are some horrors, believe me.

1. In helping with costumes, I’ve seen more breasts than a gang-bang porn video. If I were into girls, this might be cool. As it is, I’m like “Uh, don’t mind me while I fondle you to squish you into this too-small-horrific-1980s-prom-dress-that-the-seamstress-messed-up.”
2. The medium size plant looks like a big black vagina and it opens to reveal an old man actor inside.
3. Not enough technical support, so when I’m supposed to be helping with costumes, I’m also supposed to be doing a set change. We open today and have not worked out this problem.
4. The large plant looks like a 9 foot, hard, black cock. Also with a man inside. Someone tried to get creative and show slashes of the plant’s purple cloth interior throughout the black exterior, and then put bits of hot glue all over it so it looks sparkly under the lights. Unfortunately, this just makes it look like a huge, veined cock that came all over itself. (Freud would have a field day with the symbology we’re throwing around here)
5. The large plant is supposed to eat three people, but the plant doesn’t work the way we were promised, so they have to do a wallowing bellyflop to get in and be eaten. Then, when we retrieve them from the plant, not only can you easily and obviously see the tech people helping, but it looks like the plant is pooping out the “dead” people.

So, not only am I suffering from severe sleep deprivation, but this play is making my brain hurt. Ah, well. At least it’ll all be over with on Saturday!

The Mad Madam M’s computer, Mikey, died last week and so she’s having a week-long memorial for him over on her blog. I named her new computer Apollo after one of the characters in her fave show, Battlestar Gallactica. This is my contribution to the “Week of Mourning.”

I would like to dedicate the following haiku to a beloved friend lost so tragically this past Good Friday (which really turned into a Bad Friday. As in the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Friday). Yes, we lost Mikey-the-puter so suddenly that we may be left wondering why he was taken from us. He is in the hands of a higher power now and we must accept his passing graciously (by booting the monitor across the room) and reverently, (by curb-stomping the external hard drive that was supposed to save us from such a catastrophe) knowing that he has gone on to better things and now grazes in greener pastures (er… or whatever ‘Puters call heaven) where there are no electrical surges, viruses, or sudden memory loss. Amen.

Ode to the ‘Puter (haiku by Crystal)

Mikey the ‘Puter
Full to the brim with iTunes
Is now dead and gone

Grief brings much anger
Motherboard overboard
Drop-kick the damn mouse

Farewell to Mikey
So fair and so beloved
Apollo replaced you

Gena Showalter mentioned over on her blog today that sometimes writers have ideas that they don’t feel they have the chops to write, but the idea is so good, you can’t not write it (which for her is totally ludicrous because the woman can write like a fiend on speed, but I digress). The topic got me thinking, which is never a good sign for me (as you all have probably guessed by now).

Honestly, I feel this way about all my ideas. Like, if someone else had had the idea for Every Witch Way, it would not only be done already, but be marvelously better than I could ever write it. Same thing with MSG. And Luring Lorelei. Yep, they’d all be done and sent to agents and editors, but sadly for these characters, they chose to come to me. But I keep writing. That’s my advice to anyone having doubts. Just. Keep. Writing. And do the best you can, because what else can you do?

Also, congrats to Jill Monroe, who just got a new three book deal with Harlequin Blaze. Woo-hoo!!! Go buy her new release Share the Darkness, because it is mad hot!

Okay, so I launched my new website. Great. Let’s talk about where this author is in terms of writing. I cut out most of the middle of Every Witch Way in a mad editing spree. Probably the bravest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life. It hurt. A lot.

So, my word count is way down. However, I spent the weekend reading GMC: Goals, Motivation, and Conflict by Deb Dixon and I think I know what was missing from the book and I think I know how to fix it. I’ve also reworked some scenes to streamline the ending, which is good because it dragged on waaaaaaaay too long. The upside: I hope to have a completed manuscript by the end of the month. Good luck to me.

As for my spicier writing: I’ve mapped out all three novellas for the three-in-one anthology I’m writing and should start on the second one, Catching Carmen, after I finish Every Witch Way.

The young adult paranormal: I have a good solid start on it, but it’s going onto the back burner until Every Witch Way is done. Since both of them are written in first-person, I’m getting confused about which character’s head I’m in. So, Chloe from EWW sounds too immature and Mindy for MSG sounds far too grown up. This doesn’t seem to be a problem when I’m writing in third person. Huh. Who knows? I’m just wired funny.

Today’s quiz is all about December- aka the very best month of the year…not because of Christmas or Hanukah or Winter Solstice or New Year’s..no, it’s because that’s the month for my birthday! What does this quiz say about you?

Your Birth Month is December

You love life and exude an outgoing, cheerful vibe. Blessed with a great sense of humor, you can laugh at adversity. Your soul reflects: Celebration, success, and wealth Your gemstone: Blue Topaz Your flower: Narcissus Your colors: Indigo, green, and blue-green

Not! What I really get is long three-day weekend for Easter. I intend to enjoy it for all I’m worth so I’m out of here all weekend. You won’t hear from me again until Monday. Enjoy the Sunday Funnies quiz I left for you!

If you’ve visited me before, you can see that I’ve relaunched my blog (and website). Same me, different look!

Please feel free to look around and give me comments on what you think.

And you thought I was kidding all this time when I said I was redesigning!

So, I have a fab new CP, Shawn. I’m sure she’ll put a boot to my ass in terms of finishing up Every Witch Way because I think she loves the story even more than I do. Hopefully, I can get it into Tor before they stop needing submissions for the openings in their 2007/2008 schedule.

I also ordered my business cards and if the cosmos isn’t being entirely evil, I should receive them WELL before the RWA National conference.

Finally, I’m trying YET ANOTHER design for my website. I’m just not happy with it yet. I’ll figure it out eventually. *sigh*

In the meantime, I’m working as a backstage props bitch at the new play here on campus. It’s fun and weird to be taking orders from students. I’m young enough so that they all keep looking at me like they know me, but can’t quite place which class they saw me. Correct answer: None, I’m a librarian.

So, I made a fairly large decision yesterday in terms of how I want to try and get my spicy novellas published. At first I thought to make them a series and send them to e-publishers. After to talking to Eden Bradley aka-queen of kink, supreme diva of erotica (I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy), I think I might hold off until I’m done with all three and package them as a three-in-one anthology. That way I’d be able to go straight to print (brass ring of romance writing). If that doesn’t work, I still have e-publishing, which is a completely legitimate and cutting-edge market. Let’s face it, published is published and I want to be published someday.

I also need to invest in some writer-chick business cards. I know of some places to get cards for free, but I’m not sure which design to choose. Should I go sleek and professional or wild and memorable? What do your cards say about you? Must ponder this further before I go on a mad ordering spree. However, I can’t take too long to decide because I need them printed and shipped to be before I go to RWA nationals.

Plus! (There’s always something more, right?) I came up with a new idea for a short story featuring a professional woman athlete. All the books I’ve read with athletes, it was the guy who played pro. Time to even the playing field so to speak. Waaaaaay back on my overflowing backburner though, so don’t freak out. I will actually finish what I’m working on now before I start something new. Promise!