You know what’s scarier than the weirdos mumbling and scratching themselves when they walk down the street? It’s the quiet freaks. The ones that know they’re weird and try to hide the freak flag. These are the ones that look totally normal and then give you a crazy-eyed look and do something so traumatizing you’re not sure you’ll ever recover. Like kiss you. Like kiss you in a way that’s practically raping your face. Or offer to get a permission slip from their wife so they can sleep with you and nobody has to feel guilty.
I mean, should we register ourselves as freaks? Maybe we could have different categories. Like “Hi, I’m Crystal and I’m a neurotic, self-absorbed literary Nazi with slightly schizophrenic tendencies. And this is my friend Shawn, who’s a single girl, but still manages to be a passive aggressive housewife. What’s your sign?”
Proudly flying my freak flag today so as not to startle anyone.
