Crystal Jordan :: Blog

I’ve been working my buns off lately trying to get the first story in my new Wereplanets series off the ground. This is my first attempt at Sci-Fi romance, so keep your fingers crossed that it goes well.

I just started last week and so far I’m up to 8,739 words. I think this one will come in at around 20,000 words. I really hope this because it has an August 1 deadline and since I’ll be at RWA the last week of July, that means it needs to be sent in by July 25.

Now that’s motivation.

So far, I’m ahead of schedule in terms of my daily goals for word count. I set my goals low so I don’t have to flog myself for not meeting them. See? There’s a method to Crystal’s madness.

Anyway, good luck to everyone writing this weekend. Hope it’s super productive.

I promised I would make another top five list for why you should buy my Samba story Finding Paradise from Phaze at the end of July. However, I decided to add a little twist.

Reasons not to Samba while drunk:

1. Because you’ll never be as cute as Brangelina in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. You just won’t. They get paid to be pretty.
2. Because the only form of dance conducive to drunkness includes nudity and a pole.
3. Coordination is not your friend. Neither is Jose, Jack or Jim.
4. No one wants to see you Samba. No one. Those who do are even more drunk than you are and that never ends well.
5. Because working a computer and buying my Samba, Finding Paradise, may be beyond the meager abilities of your drunken mind. And that’s bad.

I realized that we haven’t had an update recently on one of the freakiest characters that inhabit my life. The wild and woolly Stealth Dater Boy has never disappeared, his daily presence as much fun as nails on a chalk board. Thankfully, the people at our Wednesday dinner have taken pity on me and begun hiding me from him, tucking me between really talkative people who never allow enough pause in conversation to let him get a word in edgewise. Yes, it’s sad. And pathetic. And loserish. However, you tell me what other options I have! I’ve all but tattooed it on my forehead that he’s one of those things that make me go “eeeewwww.”

What really makes me want to scream at him are the inane questions he uses to interrupt my work and make me talk to him. I just want to stuff a frilly pink parasol up his ass and open it. I mean, I’m working dammit! Go bug someone else. I don’t know the intracacies of your work, if I wanted to be in your department I would have majored in the subject. Argh!

And then! Then! This one’s the worst, people, the cake-taker. He had the utter gall to tell one of MY FRIENDS (and duh, like that wasn’t going to get back to me) that he would be more attacted to me if I weren’t fat.

Oh. My. God.

Someone hand me a gun. An elephant gun. I’m gonna put the motherfucker out of my misery.

The irony here? I am fat, but guess which one of us is fatter. It ain’t me, folks! I say again, argh!

I co-wrote a Samba story for Phaze’s new Heatsheet line and we got picked! Yayyy!

So, at the end of July, Shawn and my story, Finding Paradise, will come out. Oh. My. God. I’m gonna be so busy, my head will explode. I’m so glad that Shawn has to suffer through edits with me this time. Mwah-ha-ha!

She’s also in complete denial that we sold, so I’m saying it here SHAWN MONIQUE IS GOING TO BE PUBLISHED. Nah-nah-nah Shawn. Deal with it.

Anyway, we co-wrote Finding Paradise under the joint pen-name Monique Jordan (combining our last names…clever, no?). Here’s a wee tagline to whet your appetite:

Two archaeologists are in the search of the legendary Paradiso plant, can they find their own paradise in the steamy jungles of Peru?

I got my release date for FULL SWING! Yeesssssss! It comes out August 18 from Cobblestone. How exciting is this? Okay, maybe it’s only exciting for me and my friends, but you can pretend, right? Right. Anyway, I’ve composed a list for all of those unconvinced by how exciting today is about why you should drop your money on my book on AUGUST 18.

5 Reasons to Buy My Book:

1. Because I’m cute. Look over to the left. See the ribbons? That’s cute. And cute people need love too.
2. Because it costs less than a latte at Starbucks. Caffeine is bad for you, but FULL SWING is good for you.
3. Because it’s a good read. Really. I’m being totally unbiased here.
4. S-E-X. Lots of it. And everyone knows sex sells.
5. Because your husband will thank me when you’re done. (See reason 4 for details)

Okay, you were going to get a “Sesame Street personality” quiz today (I got Cookie Monster), when I saw this quiz. And it won. So, today’s quiz…What’s your penis’ name?

Your Penis Name Is…

Pee Wee Herman

Wrapping up my third day of bad 1980’s rock songs and shameless author promotion, I give you Kate Hill. She was awesome enough to give away any book from her back list at the same chat I won Jaci Burton’s book. I found a book I lurrrrved in the Knights of the Ruby Order series. However, it wasn’t the first book in the series. Most of you don’t know this about me, because my OCD is my own private shame, but I can’t start in the middle of a series. I have to start at the beginning. And once I start a series, I have to finish it. Must. Read. All. Of. It. I blame my mother for this. Why? I don’t know…because blaming her for this on my blog is better than hauling her onto Jerry Springer?

Anyway, enough about my bizarre family history, let’s talk books. I picked the first story in Kate’s series, Knights of the Ruby Order : Torn. This book was very loincloth, Gladiator, fantasy rrrowr. The hero in this one was hot. Like HOT. Plus, you know. It had a love story that added to the fabulousness. Highly recommend you get you some of this.

Shameless Blurbage:

Torn

Drenched in blood and sweat, Sir Torn is thrust before the healer known as Honey Wine that she might prepare him for the brutal Entertainment to come: a slave–Torn–fighting another slave to the death for the depraved ruler’s amusement.

The new slave’s arrogant nature piques Honey Wine’s interest in more ways than one. Against her better judgment, she begins to notice him as a man. And begins to suspect that he is so much more than a slave…

You should buy it, baby! Would I lie to you?

Right. So, I just realized that I’ve won several contests in the past few months for some kick ass books and I should play fair about giving all these authors a nod and some shameless promotion. Yes, Lauren Dane is special, just like everyone else. But, today’s love is all about Jaci Burton. I won a contest and got to pick anything off her back list that I wanted. And me being the fickle bitch that I am, I went waaaaay back in her back list on Ellora’s Cave.

And you know what? Even her old stuff is good. Ms. Burton knows how to write a good love story with hot sex….and some fun paranormal elements to spice things up. Nice. So, today’s blast from the past is A Storm for All Seasons: Summer Heat.

Here’s some blurbage for ya:

Summer Heat

Aidan Storm is part of a unique New Orleans family whose magical connection with the weather goes back many years. Aidan uses his powers only when it suits his purposes. Wielding the magic of summer heat can be advantageous when heating up the sheets with his girl du jour. Until he meets Melissa Cross. She fires him up hotter than a Louisiana heat wave and if he doesn’t watch his heart he might suffer a meltdown.

Melissa Cross is a staid Bostonian feeling like a fish out of water working alongside Aidan Storm and his peculiar family. When strange things start happening whenever she’s with Aidan, she wonders what kind of magic he possesses. After all, it isn’t every day it rains in the bedroom! It isn’t long before Aidan heats up Melissa’s summer and melts her frosty heart.

And, as always, be a good little girl and go buy the stuff I recommend. You didn’t need that mocha latte anyway, this is better.

A few weeks ago I won a contest over on Lauren Dane’s blog. For the record, this chick is funny as hell, so if you haven’t checked out her blog, you really should. Basically, I thought Ms. Dane ought to get some reward for drawing my name out of a hat and sending me a kick-ass book for freaking free. Since I can’t yell out in the library “I don’t giving a flying rat’s ass about your oh-so-groundbreaking research, I just read a sexy book. Go buy it!” I thought I’d tell you to go drop your cash on this instead.

Now, about this book. It’s one of her newest releases, Sudden Desire, and it’s awesome. I luurrrrved the heroine. And the hero. And the storyline. And the…yeah, you get the point. Here’s the official blurb (please ignore the horrifically bad man-titty cover. It not the author’s fault that she got bitch-slapped by the cover fairy):

SUDDEN DESIRE

Tess Marshall has finally had it with her boss, spoiled but handsome actor Trevor Ryan. She quits and heads off to Lake Cushman for some much-needed vacation far away from phones, televisions and civilization. But Trevor realizes that he needs Tess and shows up on the doorstep of her cabin, demanding another chance. It’s then that he realizes just how beautiful and sexy the woman he’s had under his nose for two years is.

Their mutual attraction is incendiary and the next four days are filled with lovemaking and a deepening of emotion for both. They step into territory dangerous to Tess’ heart. She knows she loves Trevor and can’t settle for being his bit on the side but Trevor isn’t ready for forever.

Tess knows what she wants and it’s not to be a back door secret lover or second-best to Trevor’s career or any other women. What remains to be seen is whether Trevor can get his priorities straight before it’s too late and he ends up losing her forever.

GO BUY SUDDEN DESIRE!!

I’ve got nothing to say today. I’m tiiiiiiired. Yeah, that was a whine and since this is my blog, I’ll whine if I want to. You would whine too, if it happened to you. So, pfffft.

I stayed up the last two nights to the wee hours of the morning finishing my first round of edits. Ugh. The edits were good and my editor obviously knows her shit, but I’m dragging ass at work today.

You know, edits and promotion are two things they don’t tell you about before you sell a story. Now I have to think about marketing my book. Holy Jesus! Market? Me? But…but, I’m a closet recluse introverted kinda gal. That’s why I became a writer in the first place. Now I have to have a personality, too? Pfffft!