Crystal Jordan :: Blog

I’m baaaaaack!

As always, I come bearing news from my time away. The RWA conference was awesome and very informative:

1. Gena Showalter and Jill Monroe are evil bitches who are thinner and prettier than they appear in pictures. Oh, and did I mention funny and super nice? Seriously ladies, ease up a little and let some of the other girls compete. It just ain’t fair.
2. I am a menace in elevators. I talked about sexual floggings with coat hangers in front of Hilary Sares from Kensington and made her hotty male friend crack up. I then told Deidre Knight that she was violent in bed because her finger hurt one morning and she didn’t know why. In my defense, I had no idea who these women were. Hilary wasn’t wearing a nametag and Deidre’s was covered by the 800 people crammed into the elevator with us. Yep, you really do never get a second chance to make a first impression. So much for those intelligent elevator pitches I wrote out.
3. I ran into Elaine Spencer of The Knight Agency so many times, I’m totally sure she thought I was stalking her, which I wasn’t. At least not this time.
4. Jade Lee is totally nice. She gave me a free autographed copy of her latest release after I fangirl squeed all over her in an elevator (again, Crystal the Menace).
5. Mary Jo Putney has no problem getting her picture taken with 80 million people after she tells people who she is. She’s also very gracious and such a sweetheart.
6. Shelli Stevens won the Stroke of Midnight Contest at Passionate Ink. We scared the crap out of the wait staff by discussing cocks, menage, and BDSM in front of them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a group of men run that fast. Our table freaked out the rest of the PI group when Shelli won because we cheered so loud you would swear it was a football game. Touchdown! She downed her drink and someone else’s before she stopped shaking.
7. If you show off your (frilly, turquoise) corset to the bar (this was so not me who did this), anonymous men will buy you and your twenty friends a drink.
8. Also, if there are incriminating pictures circulating of my cleavage, I disavow all knowledge.

This week’s quiz in totally in honor of the obsessions of the Mad Madam M. She love U2. Like would have their collective love child obsessed. I so want to go to a concert with her someday, just so I can mock her when she weeps and screams when they come onstage. “Bono! Bono, I love you! Marry me!” And then she throws her panties at him.

Yep, mockery will ensue.

Today’s quiz: Which Bono Would You Sleep With? Apparently, I would bone Bono while he read poetry to me and had long, flowing hair. Yeah. Don’t like the long haired boys, but SURE.

Our last author in the Inside the Writer’s Studio marathon is the split personality of Jennifer Colgan and Bernadette Gardner. Her new book The Soul Jar is out with with New Concepts Publishing.

1. What is your favorite word?

Antidisestablishmentarianism. I try to work it into conversations wherever I go.

2. What is your least favorite word?

Can’t.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Creatively, just about everything. I have ideas for stories running through my head all the time, sparked by songs, movies, things I see or overhear. Spiritually, I’m turned on by knowledge and questioning knowledge. I like to be around open-minded people who don’t see the world in black and white. Emotionally, I’m turned on by love stories, tales of heroism and bravery that occasionally make me proud to be human.

4. What turns you off?

The increasing trend of negativity I see, materialism, people who define themselves by what they own, not what they can do.

5. What is your favorite curse word?

Frell. [I know it’s not a real one – it’s from Farscape.] It means F*ck, but you can say it in mixed company.

6. If you could live in any time period other than this one, who would you sleep with in that time and why?

LOL. You said these questions would be painless. If I had to pick, I think I’d choose Medieval times and I’d sleep with the Lord of the nearest castle of course. He’d be the one with all the gold and the best food.

7. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what three books would you like to have with you?

Preferably three I haven’t read yet. I’d get bored pretty fast. If I had to choose though, I’d go with: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Building a Raft; Fifty Ways to Serve Coconut; and The Big Book of Signal Fires.

8. What is the ugliest rejection you have ever gotten from a publisher/editor/agent?

Honestly, I’ve been very lucky to have gotten rejections ranging from the standard, Thanks, but it’s not for us, to the encouraging, It’s too short, expand it and resubmit. I’ve never gotten anything so bad I needed to bury it in the back yard, though I’m sure my day will come.

9. What sound or noise do you love?

I love to hear my kids laugh.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

“I’m glad you’re back. You’re in charge while I’m on vacation. See ya.” LOL.

Book Pimpage Info:

Jennifer Colgan
The Soul Jar
New Concepts Publishing
June 2006
Spicy Paranormal Romance
Buy Link: http://www.newconceptspublishing.com/thesouljar.htm

11. Describe the premise of your book in three sentences or less.

Trapped in an alabaster prison for three thousand years, the souls of two ancient lovers await their freedom. Reunited after a bitter betrayal, modern fortune hunters Bree Sennett and “Chance” MacKenzie will risk their lives and their love for the fabled Soul Jar and its long-hidden secrets.

12. Your website or blog.

Website:

http://www.newoa.com/jcolgan/

Blog:

http://bernadettegardner2.blogspot.com/

Mad Madam M here once again…

I know you all wish for Crys to return, but unfortunately you are stuck with me for a while longer. However, I thought I would take this opportunity to discuss a couple of trends in romance novels that I both loathe and adore: the inclusion of rare medical conditions with ‘miracle’ cures and disease awareness.
To be honest, I can handle almost anything it if it is done well or tastefully - with the exception of ventriloquism and student productions of Broadway shows - and the same goes with books. I don’t mind being informed or even reminded of various deadly disesase can be easily dealt with if found early. In most cases, I’m thrilled that someone is trying to eductate the general public on a variety of medical topics or showing a different type of hero or heroine that don’t fit the ‘pretty people’ stereotypes. It is refreshing and I’m glad that people are attempting to inform as well as entertain. However, the ‘afternoon special’ quality in some of the books drive me nuts.
Now, before you jump to the conclusion that I am a heinous harpy that is impossible to please, I would argue that in fact I’m criticizing the way the conditions are used within the story or the inexplicable cure is handled, not the noble attempt at enlightenment. So here are some examples:

The Good
Karen Marie Moning’s The Highlander’s Touch
Sabrina Jeffries’ A Notorious Love
Lucy Monroe’s The Scorsolini Marriage Bargain

In each of these books, the author achieves the perfect balance of story and information. Both Moning and Monroe eloquently deal with diseases that affect women: cervical cancer and endometriosis. I think both authors do a fantastic job at trying to educate women about diseases that may affect not only themselves but also family and friends. Although not as much of a concern in our modern times, Jeffries creates a great heroine aflicted with disease in Regency England.

The Bad
Lucy Monroe’s Blackmailed Into Marriage
Elizabeth Roll’s The Unexpected Bride
Lucy Monroe’s The Greek’s Christmas Baby

I will begin with the statement that I love Lucy Monroe books, I mean I own most of them….but (hey you knew it was coming) she sometimes has the habit of going overboard with medical conditions. In Blackmailed Into Marriage the heroine not only suffers from vaginismus, but her daughter has a small hole in her heart. I could easily handle one medical condition, but I found that the inclusion of 2 didn’t allow enough room for the ‘love story’ part of the novel. The other two books, suffer from the use of ‘miracle’ cures to rare afflictions. I loved that the heroine in Roll’s The Unexpected Bride was blind. It was different and handled wonderfully until the end. (I don’t want to ruin it.) However, Monroe’s use of amnesia in The Greek’s Christmas Baby made me want to pull out all my hair and style it into one of those nifty Victorian hair wreaths.

All in all, I doubt many of you have made it to the end of this never ending article. But if you have, please chime in with your thoughts. I have been mulling over this trend for a couple of years now and I have come to no real conclusion. I like it when I like it and hate it when I hate it. I admire what some authors are attempting, but I don’t feel I can whole heartedly agree with how it is handled. So in the end, I guess I will have to start growing out my hair so I can finish that wreath!

Today’s author is Eden Bradley, the awesome chick who recently sold to Bantam and Berkeley. *cough* bitch *cough* She’s pimping her new e-book, Isle of Desire, out with Phaze this month. Interview time!

1. What is your favorite word?

‘Exquisite’. It can describe so many things.

2. What is your least favorite word?

I have several that some erotica authors use, but which I don’t find sexy or pretty in any way. I like sex to be wicked, sensual, but never vulgar.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Music has been a great inspiration lately. Particular songs can set a sensual mood, energize me, or make me want to cry. There’s a lot of power in that.

4. What turns you off?

On a world-wide level, cruelty. In erotic fiction specifically, I don’t like anal sex scenes, or anal stimulation of any kind. I know it’s popular, but it just doesn’t work for me at all. But I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean I’m a prude. Just read some of my books to find out!

5. What is your favorite curse word?

If I’m going to curse, I’m really going to mean it. Fuck is an all-around term that works in almost any curse-worthy situation, and it can be said with such force!

6. If you could live in any time period other than this one, who would you sleep with in that time and why?

There was a German painter in the Renaissance named Albrecht Durer who did a number of self-portraits. He was a beautiful man, and incredibly talented. He also traveled extensively, kept detailed diaries, and apparently had a wonderful sense of humor. He had a true sensual sensibility, which most people repressed during that time.

7. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what three books would you like to have with you?

Silver Metal Lover by Tanith Lee, The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice, and….only three, huh? Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden was one of the best books I’ve ever read.

8. What is the ugliest rejection you have ever gotten from a publisher/editor/agent?

I got an absolutely scathing rejection from an editor recently on a novella which had just sold to another publisher. This story contains some edgy material that I knew not everyone would be comfortable with, but I must have really pushed a button with her! The rant went on for several paragraphs. She missed the point of the story entirely.

I know this is a terrible thing to admit, but I did feel a bit smug about the fact that the story had just sold to someone else. But if it hadn’t, I probably would have been crushed.

9. What sound or noise do you love?

I love the sound of falling rain, it’s the most soothing sound in the world. And water is always sexy to me, for some reason.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

That everyone I love who has passed before me is in there, waiting to see me again. Oh, and that I’m being allowed in! Currently, I’m a bit doubtful.

Book Pimpage Info:

11. The information for your most recent or upcoming release:

Isle of Desire
Phaze Publishing
release date: end of July/ early September
contemporary erotic romance

12. Describe the premise of your book in three sentences or less:

On a beach on the small Venezuelan island of Isla de Margarita, Isabel Asher meets once more the love of her life, Rafael Cruz, the man she left behind twelve years earlier. Desire ignites, but can the sultry tropical nights spent in his bed lead them back to love? She’s about to find out, and maybe to have her heart broken in the process.

13. Your website or blog.

www.EdenBradleyErotica.com
http://www.edenbradley.blogspot.com/

Mad Madam M here…I love a good controversy…especially when it involves things that don’t matter in the end. Now I love my trashy books as much as the next girl, but some people take it a bit too far. Case in point, the bizarre Amazon review by Jody Wallace (scroll to the bottom) for Jennifer LaBrecque’s Highland Fling. This supposed aspiring writer not only disparages the book but also throws insults at the writer and publisher. Now I may not a wannabe romance writer like Crys, but still as the Smart Bitches article put it…you don’t want to bite the had you hope eventually will feed you.
I bring this up only because in a moment of weakness while attempting to move 2,000 miles in 3 days, I bought Highland Fling. As Crys always teases (but is unfortunately true), I can’t pass up a book with a kilt on the cover or ‘highland’ in the title. (I’m taking pills and receiving injections…) Of course I hadn’t read the book since like most of you…I have a large waiting-to-be-read stack and an incomplete thesis to boot! After I read about this over on Smart Bitches I immediately found my copy and read it in 3 hours. Sure this seems like a ’stare at the car crash’ scenario, but still I was interested and hey, I bought the book a full week before the review was published.
To be honest, I am now really wondering if I read the same book. I mean, no time traveling novel involving the Scottish Highlands and Culloden will ever compare with Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander series (it is by far the ultimate paradigm of the genre and I will bitch slap anyone who disagrees…Crys said I could!), but I think Ms. LaBrecque wrote an enjoyable book that I didn’t find at all stomach turning as Ms. Wallace claims. I quite liked it.
But what I enjoy most about this whole incident is Ms. LaBrecque’s handling of the criticism. Instead of rising to the bait, she has patiently sat back and enjoyed the spike in book sales that accompanied the harsh critique and even offered to pay the woman back. Classy my friends…simply classy. I mean…you don’t pee in the pool you are swimming in…unless there are jelly fish! Then I guess it is permissible with a note…

Loribelle Hunt kicks off our week-long marathon of Inside the Writer’s Studio. She’s got a slew of books just out or about to come out with Cobblestone Press, so she took a few minutes out of her crazy schedule to sit down for a quick interview. Here we go!

1. What is your favorite word?

Love of course. Why else write romance?

2. What is your least favorite word?

Cunt. I cringe just typing it.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Must. Have. Music. Ok, I’m not that bad, but I really don’t get much done if I don’t music on.

4. What turns you off?

I can handle just about anything but nails on a chalkboard…or my kids screeching at each other.
Which, come to think of it is just about the same thing lol.

5. What is your favorite curse word?

Damn it. Or freak, as in freaking this or that. I use them both too much lol.

6. If you could live in any time period other than this one, who would you sleep with in that time and why?

I’ll plead the fifth on this one. Besides, in a past life, you never know who I already slept with.

7. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what three books would you like to have with you?

Like I could ever pick just three!

8. What is the ugliest rejection you have ever gotten from a publisher/editor/agent?

I haven’t had an ugly ones.

9. What sound or noise do you love?

I love the sound of the ocean.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Great to have you here.

Book Pimpage Info:
Bad Moon Rising
the second release in the Lunar Mates series
Available August 11
Cobblestone Press

11. Describe the premise of your book in three sentences or less:

After spending his life hunting rogue werewolves, Trey Williams is looking forward to a quiet retirement in Alabama. But between hunting for the local outlaw wolf and claiming his newfound mate, Tara Burke, that peace doesn’t last long. Can he find the mysterious wolf before it endangers his new mate?

12. Your website or blog.

http://loribellehunt.blogspot.com
www.loribellehunt.com

Okay, sports fans. I’ll be leaving tomorrow for the RWA National conference and all the lovely goodness of people who don’t glaze over and lose interest when I talk about my writing for more than two minutes. Silly me, when they ask how my writing is going, I assume they actually wanna know how my writing is going. Doh!

While I’m gone, I’m leaving the Mad Madam M in charge. Yes, it’s scary. No, I’m not changing my mind. You get to deal with the wrath of M if you misbehave and I swear I won’t feel sorry for you AT ALL if she gives you a spanking. Then again, you pervies might actually like it. You know I would. Just, you know, not from my best friend. Maybe if she could bring along Brad Pitt to do the honors. Oh, yeah. There’s a mental image that’s gonna stick with me.

ANYway, I’m hosting a week-long marathon of Inside the Writer’s Studio for your viewing pleasure and it kicks off tomorrow with one of my fave new authors, Loribelle Hunt. Enjoy while I’m gone and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!

My next work in progress is called “Revenant” and is about espionage and ghosts and the journey of the soul (without a lot of religious overtones because I don’t write inspirational romance). Now the hero begins as a bit of a wanker who’s grouchy as hell to be a ghost hanging about for centuries. Soooo, today’s quiz is about how eeeeevil you are. Mine’s prolly spot-on, but no one will notice when I die? Ouch!

Today’s super fabulous interview is with Shelli Stevens, writer of erotic romance for Cobblestone Press. She has a new release that just came out last week called Pirate’s Booty and a bestseller called Tourist Attraction. Right, one with the interview…

1. What is your favorite word?
It were to have one, then it’d be fabulous.

2. What is your least favorite word? When people–usually teenagers–say the word gay as in ‘Dude, that’s so gay’ It’s kinda degrading and just stupid.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Musicians creatively. Spiritually a person who can accept there’s a high power and lives their life with simple good values. Emotionally, I like someone who knows my weaknesses and accepts them. Who can be strong, but vulnerable.

4. What turns you off?
Cruelty

5. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck.

6. If you could live in any time period other than this one, who would you sleep with in that time and why?
Hmm I’d probably travel back to 1700’s Scotland or England. And as to who I’d sleep with? Heck, probably any alpha, kilt wearing man who just wants to toss me over his shoulder and make love on the green grass, under the non-polluted sky. Just as long as he talks to me in that sexy accent and doesn’t try and feed me haggis.

7. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what three books would you like to have with you?
Mark of the Assasin, A survival guide, Honor Bound (a trashy, 80’s romance that I adore)

8. What is the ugliest rejection you have ever gotten from a publisher/editor/agent?
Ooo love this one. It was from an editor after they’d requested a full. I think I brought it on myself, because I took some advice from a Best Selling author. She told me to call the editor and check on status and let them know I’d written another book if they were interested. And against my gut instinct that I was committing author suicide, I did it. Yeah… I got a letter postmarked that day, from the editorial assistant. It told me to join the RWA (which I was a member of and had stated in my letter) and to get a critique group (which I was already in) and to actually try and read one of the books in their series that I was subbing to (I’d read one a week for the entire time I wrote the book.) Yeah, didn’t cry over that rejection or anything. But that’s okay, that book went on to be a finalist in the Stroke of Midnight contest.

9. What sound or noise do you love?
Rain falling on the roof, or a tent if I’m camping. I love the sound of rain. I’m in Seattle, so it’s part of me.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Okay, which one of you guys let Shelli in?

Book Pimpage:

The Pirate’s Booty
Cobblestone Press
July 14th
(contemporary erotic romance)





11. Describe the premise of your book in three sentences or less. To save her business, Renee crashes a party thrown by the descendant of a pirate. She plans to steal back a brooch taken from her ancestor centuries ago. But what she doesn’t realize is that it’s a sex party, and Devon Murray is as notorious as his pirate ancestor.

12. Your website or blog: www.shellistevens.com