So, the epic battle of Crystal versus the Evil Tarantual from Hell (ETH).
The morning began as any other does in the Jordan household. I get up (drag my ass outta bed) and bathe in a luxurious tub (loooong shower in which I try to wake my sorry self up with scalding hot water). I then apply fabulous make up and freshen up in my ginormous bathroom (run a comb through my hair and brush my teeth). Then I spot the windowsill, which sports the most insanely huge spider I have ever seen in my life. This thing should be housed in a zoo it’s so huge.
It’s not moving. I’m hoping the thing is dead, so I lean foward and blow on it (so as not to get too close to the ETH). The thing does a somersault and leaps at my face (really it did!). As any brave hero in an epic battle would do, I jumped back and fell on my ass. Then I scrambled back from the charging spider, screaming like a little girl.
I ran to my bedroom and rifled through 13 freaking unpacked boxes until I found my tallest shoes with the biggest heels (yeah, cuz I wanna get close to the ETH again). I slowly crept back into the bathroom, hoping to spot the ETH. There he was, lurking in wait for me. I stepped up to the plate and the little bastard tried to chase me again, but i had a little surprise hiding behind my back.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
End game.
I win, beyotch. That’s what you get for violating my bathroom.
