Crystal Jordan :: Blog

Hey all!

My girl Eden Bradley has a new book out from Phaze. This is her first BDSM e-book, but she’s going to be putting out her first BDSM novel from Bantm later this year. Get a taste of her naughty side a little early. Check it out!

BREAKING SKYE, Eden Bradley’s newest e-book is available now from the Phaze Fetish line!

Skye Ballard has always wanted to experience her fantasies of sexual submission. She craves to be commanded, taken over. She is convinced that all it will take to purge this yearning from her system is one night. Skye searches out the perfect Dominant for the job-it must be a man who is powerful, attractive, and naturally dominant. But when she meets Adam Dunne, she finds a man beyond her wildest dreams.

Adam convinces her one night will not be enough for what he sees as a process, rather than a single experience. Skye soon discovers that being with him only makes her crave more. And while he begins with the idea of training her to be the perfect submissive—for someone else—soon all he can think of is making her his, making her yield. All he can think of is breaking Skye—and keeping her for himself.

Buy this book now at www.Phaze.com
Direct link:
http://www.king-cart.com/Phaze/product=Breaking+Skye+by+Eden+Bradley

I’m over at The Novelty Girls today.

Go check it out, I’m talking about how I got browbeaten into watching the Oscars. Ugh!

I stumbled across this quiz and I couldn’t help myself. I had to take it. I mean, I write erotic romance, right? I should be super-freaky in the upstairs region.

I wonder if it tops out at NC-17 or if there’s a XXX rating? I’m thinking I busted this quiz wide open with my filthy mind.

Cool.

Your Mind is NC-17 Rated

You’re mind is so filthy… you should should be washing every part of you out with soap. If your thoughts can go dirty, they do. Almost everything is NC-17 to you!

I may have mentioned this before, but I forget, so you get to hear about it again. Lucky you, right?

Anyway.

I’m going to be part of a series that spans all the rose lines at The Wild Rose Press. I write for the naughty Scarlet Rose line. The series is based around a brooch that passes from hand to hand throughout the time periods and genres in the rose lines. I’m planning on doing a sequel to All She Wants For Christmas called A Love Like Yours.

The series itself is called The Legacy of the Celtic Brooch. There’s a blog for us, too.

The first book in the series has some info up and mine will eventually go up, too. A Love Like Yours won’t be out until fall, but the series kicks off soon.

The Celtic Brooch Series

Some of you might be wondering why there was no Hump Day Hotties on Wednesday. Here’s why: today is the end of The OC, a show the Mad Madam M and I watch religiously, much to the chagrin of all who know and love us.

Now, M refers to all characters interchangably between their real names and their character names. I think relaity has warped for her a bit and it’s all one in the same now. Anyway, to avoid confusion, here’s a run down of the cast with real AND character names (the dude characters anyway).

Peter Gallagher played Sandy Cohen
Adam Brody played Seth Cohen
Ben McKenzie played Ryan Atwood
Chris Carmack played Luke Ward

Mad Madam M: Welcome to the O.C. indeed. I’m telling you, if I ever came across a hitchhiker that looked like that, I might have to change my policy about stopping. I mean we have all seen Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. There is a “hitcher’s code” you know!

Crystal: Or what about The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? There are exceptions to the hitcher hiker rule. And really, if something that cute wanted to jump me, I might be willing to lie down and take it like a girl.

Mad Madam M: Nothing like a black and white photo to make a sexy boy even hotter. I don’t know what is better… his piercing look that makes me think that he has eyes for no one but me or the awesome gentle-tossled-hair/stubble /tight-black-t-shirt combo. Thank goodness I don’t have to decide!

Crystal: I love that his macho-I-slept-with-your-mom character ended up with a gay dad. Priceless!

Mad Madam M: Sure the hair screams “I’m a soap star” but to be quite honest I spend most of my time staring at the naked abs. I mean really…naked abs ON DISPLAY!!

Crystal: All I can say is Thank God I have really good glasses and can enjoy this view. Being blind would be really inconvenient here.

Mad Madam M: Sure he has an interesting facial attribute that has lead to the nickname “Crazy Eyebrow Man”, but he wears those eyebrows proudly and you have to give hims some credit for that. Besides it’s Peter Gallagher people…Peter Gallagher!!

Crystal: I’d do him. And his crazy eye brows.

Mad Madam M: I know what your are thinking…how can he make this list when he was such a jerk in several 90’s flicks? My only answer for you, he has also starred in several Broadway musicals including the revival of Guys & Dolls. I personally find that quite sexy!

Crystal: Oh my God. If you made me listen to that CD of Gays & Drag Queens ONE MORE TIME. *)*%&%^#^T*&Y&()*)* So there!

Mad Madam M: Ah…aren’t they a cute family? Clearly Ryan takes after Kirsten, but still…it could happen. Besides Ryan is smiling. I repeat…Ryan is smiling!! Check out a pic of the whole family.

Crystal: Clearly Ryan is the hotter of the twin boys here. Seth is the lovable genetic reject, like Danny DeVito in TWINS.

Mad Madam M: Sure Ryan has always been my favorite of the two (Crystal claimed Seth from the beginning), but this photo has to be the hottest pic I have ever seen. Cute boy holding videos IN A video store. I can’t tell you how many of my fantasies start out this way…

Crystal: You know how some video stores just have the empty cases on the shelves and you have to take them to the counter where they stick the videos in so you don’t steal them? He’s hiding porn in those cases. It’s all just a front. Which is why he MAY be the Danny Devito, but he’s clearly the man for me.

Mad Madam M: From the backdrop, I would guess that he is in a prison cell of some sort. But hey…haven’t we learned anything from Michael and Linc over on Prison Break. Prisons can be sexy too!

Crystal: Again, the man for me. Prison bitches and porn. Oh, yeeeeeeah. Cue bad ’80s porno flick music *Bow chica bow bow*

Mad Madam M: I love this pic, although upon further study - ‘cuz let’s just say I have studied it well - I am a bit disconcerted by it’s resemlance to a Buffy the Vampire Slayer poster I once owned. (Who am I kidding with the whole ‘once owned’ crap? It’s somewhere in my storage unit at the moment!) Here’s the original poster.

Crystal: He looks like he wants me to frisk him. *Bow chica bow bow*

Mad Madam M: As you may have already realized…I am a sucker for black and white photos. I especially adore the soulful look in this pic. I think he is staring into my soul…

Crystal: Nah. This is his gay shot. You can have this one, M. I prefer them on the straighter side of life. Unless he wants to go shopping with me. Then we can work this out.

Mad Madam M: Doesn’t he just remind you of George Clooney is Ocean’s 11? Doesn’t he? Okay I guess that might just be me, but he does look good. The unbuttoned shirt…the stubble…the look that makes me want to confess to every naughty thought or fantasy I have ever had…

Crystal: Mmmmm. George Clooney. Ocean’s 11. Sorry…what were we talking about?

Mad Madam M: The boy knows how to lean. And wear a tight Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirt. And model well-fitted jeans. And tossle his hair just so…
*Takes a moment to wipe the drool away from my chin*

Crystal: He kinda has the 1980s rocker look going here. It’s hawt. He’s yours, I understand, but he’s still hot!

Mad Madam M: I admit this isn’t the greatest pic, but Ben McKenzie is wet. And you can see his muscles. Did I mention he is wet? What more could a girl ask for? Except one night to use his body as a jungle gym? A weekend? An eternity? (I can’t believe I just wrote that. Perhaps I need to spend some time at the Supernatural Obsessive Support Group Sanitarium to try get my mind off of Ben McKenzie and perhaps recover from my Jensen Ackles obsession at the same time!)

Crystal: Dude, don’t lie. You totally threw that bucket of water on him. I saw you.

Mad Madam M: There is a distressingly large amount of images featuring Ben standing around. Sometimes things just work out wonderful for everyone involved…especially the viewer!

Crystal: Well, it’s awesome when you can make money just standing around. I’d do it if I could. Totally.

Mad Madam M: So I admit the jacket is a bit camp, but once again we get Ben leaning…and with good hair! For those of us who have endured 4 years of Ryan’s follicle ups-and-downs (far more downs than ups) that is a wonderful sight!!

Crystal: Nope. I’m not digging on the hair. It’s a bit too feathered Farrah Faucet for me. And the jacket? Dude, he and Seth are in a gay love square, aren’t they?

Mad Madam M: While this might not be the “hottest” of images, there is something sexy about the two foster brothers together that makes me happy inside. What I am going to do with their poolhouse conversations? Or the ever-patient look on Ryan’s face while Seth dithers on about some inconsequential matter? What am I going to do? Please tell me. TELL ME!!!! The Winchester brothers better not leave me this year as well. I’m not sure what I will do!!

Crystal: Calm down before I throw a bucket of water on YOU. Sheesh. There’s always the DVDs. And I do like this pic, it’s funny looking. And I like funny looking shit.

Mad Madam M: This almost makes me want to live in Southern California and deal with all the pretty people on the beach. Well almost…

Crystal: No. Because I am not one of the pretty people. The pretty people would point and laugh at me. And that would be bad.

Mad Madam M: Again this might not be the prettiest pic, but it has charm and charisma! Seth sporting a strung out look with funky hair and Ryan with a crazy look in his eyes. (Not that crazy eye Ryan isn’t sexy…) Take a good look (as if you need an excuse!) it looks like at any moment he is going to go crazy on someone and throw a punch!

Crystal: They look stoned. Seriously stoned. I like it. Bad, bad, bad, bad boys…you make me feel so gooooooood!

Mad Madam M: Two hot boys in a pool. Do I really need to add anything more? I mean, I can stare all day at Ryan’s abs…can’t you?

Crystal: I have no words. Except…take off the swim trunks and go naked. Yeah!

Mad Madam M: I would really like to know what the photographer said to achieve those looks. Ben looks confused while Adam seems to know a secret, a really good one, that he is just dying to share. Or maybe he is just grabbing Ryan’s butt. I mean we see the arm, but the hand disappears somewhere behind Ben…

Crystal: Seth farted. Ryan is trying to escape the smell and still look pretty. Oh, the ANGST of Hollywood.

Mad Madam M: Can you ever get enough of these two? I know I can’t, even if Ryan is suffering from some blood loss and looks like he could faint at any moment. Seth couldn’t leave him behind…I mean, what about the zombies?

Crystal: I love that the one I liked is afraid of zombies. I guess this is The OC edition of Shaun of the Dead. Or something.

Welcome to The OC, bitches!

So, this post is mostly for Mad Madam M’s benefit because I forgot to tell her the rest of this story last night when we were on the phone discussing the upcoming Hump Day Hotties Extravaganza. But you’ll have to wait for tomorrow on that one.

Reasons to never go shopping on laundry day:

1. You will inevitably be wearing dirty jeans, crappy sneakers, and an old, stretched out, fugly college t-shirt.
2. You will have just gotten out of the shower and your hair will be both flat and sopping wet. You will not care because you figure you won’t be running into anyone except soccer moms and they could give a flying rat’s ass what you look like.
3. You will have had a major, mondo breakout that makes you look like a crackwhore on pepperoni. And you will be wearing no make up because of the previous soccer mom statement.
4. You will embarrass the crap out of yourself by dancing alone in the bread aisle to Kenny Chesney elevator music when THE ENTIRE HOT FIRE DEPARTMENT shows up to get groceries, too.
5. You will magically be unable to evade the fire department and the previously stated hot firemen through your entire shopping trip and will, in fact, nearly booty bump the only chick fireman (woman? person?) into the cans of tuna as you bend to get a can of soup that’s on sale.
6. You will somehow become trapped BETWEEN two hot firemen while trying to check out and they will involve you in a weird religious movie discussion and then segue into horror films (which you don’t watch because you’re a chicken).
7. ESCAPE. You will be outside the store, already talking to someone on the phone (loudly) about hot firemen and Kenny Chesney when the super-majorly-most-beeootiful of the firemen (aka the one standing behind you in line) will gallop up with something the checker forgot to put in your bags. And it will be your box of tampons.
8. You will die of humiliation because now you have a handful of tampon and the firemen just heard you commenting on his ass and how you danced in the grocery store aisle.

Over at The Novelty Girls today. Go check it out!

And here’s a promotional video for the In The Runes series I’m part of with Cobblestone Press. Cool, huh? I’m in a movie! Kinda.

So, I’m half British. I’m also just about every other western European country you can think of. And then I’m Native American. Three different tribes. Yeah, the pasty whiteness doesn’t make me look it, but it’s there. I swear.

I took a quiz today about which of those bagillion little Euro countries might be the dominant one. The Brit in me is appalled. And my father might disown me. C’est la vie, no?

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated. You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Hey all! I just finished a hellacious week of teaching librarianista stuff to poor defenseless college students and I’m bushwacked (yes, I know that’s not the correct use of the word, so pfffft).

However, I got some awesome news in the last few hours. I got my first authorly interview at Romance Junkies today. If you check it out, you can see what my reader pet peeves are and the titles I picked for the movie of my life.

Go read my Romance Junkies Interview.

If that wasn’t rockin’ enough, I got my first reviews of WEREPLANETS: IN HEAT and TWICE IN A BLUE MOON.

Ecataromance Sensual Reviews had this to say about In Heat:

Wereplanet: In Heat is an erotic tale of heartbreak and grief. Varad and Mahlia are two people coping with the loss of their child, while also dealing with the mating ritual that Mahlia is going through. This story was so heartrending that I couldn’t help but immerse myself in the book. It dealt with the struggle that these two felt and also made them both face the tragedy that occurred. Love is about sharing your grief with your mate and Crystal Jordan has written this tender story with exactly that. This story is a quick read but it will leave its’ impact on the reader long after the story is finished.

Here’s what I got for Twice in a Blue Moon from Two Lips Reviews:

Twice In A Blue Moon is a beyond-steaming short tale that will curl the reader’s hair and turn up toes! Jerrod, Rachel, and Lena leap off the pages, or should I say, sizzle off the pages of this story, and their intimate encounters are to-die-for sexy. Run, do not walk, to your nearest PC, and download Crystal Jordan’s newest immediately!

You can totally use a Mac, too. Not just a PC.

How sweet are these? I’m so stoked. Yay! Happy Saturday, y’all!

The Anti-Valentine’s Day shindig was quite fun, and as always with my adventures, I bring back lessons learned.

1. Crops are fun to play with, even when you’re shopping in a naughty store with other chicks. Don’t ask, don’t tell.
2. Naughty stores actually carry plus sized shit. And I tried some of it on. Again, don’t ask because I ain’t telling.
3. Other chicks will encourage you to by things you shouldn’t, even when you know you won’t. It’s the chicks-in-a-pack shopping thing. Genetically encoded or something. I bet even cavechicks had this problem when picking out clubs for their men.
4. There are sex toys that include my name in the label. That’s some hard to resist shopping items right there. I mean, it’s literally calling my name! Everyone needs a souvenir, right? Right? Yeah, but I walked out empty handed. I’m a good little girl. Dammit.
5. There are like a million cheeses that taste good with crackers. And if you’re interested in an edible orgasm, try the Key Lime Cake. Oooooooooh, baby! Yes. Yes! YES!
6. I found a wine I like! Major break through here. I forget what it’s called, but it’s a sparkling white wine. I think. Probably, it’s just that I like anything that’s sparkly.
7. And finally, an announcement: I just found out yesterday that I’m having a nephew in June.