February 20th, 2007
So, this post is mostly for Mad Madam M’s benefit because I forgot to tell her the rest of this story last night when we were on the phone discussing the upcoming Hump Day Hotties Extravaganza. But you’ll have to wait for tomorrow on that one.
Reasons to never go shopping on laundry day:
- You will inevitably be wearing dirty jeans, crappy sneakers, and an old, stretched out, fugly college t-shirt.
- You will have just gotten out of the shower and your hair will be both flat and sopping wet. You will not care because you figure you won’t be running into anyone except soccer moms and they could give a flying rat’s ass what you look like.
- You will have had a major, mondo breakout that makes you look like a crackwhore on pepperoni. And you will be wearing no make up because of the previous soccer mom statement.
- You will embarrass the crap out of yourself by dancing alone in the bread aisle to Kenny Chesney elevator music when THE ENTIRE HOT FIRE DEPARTMENT shows up to get groceries, too.
- You will magically be unable to evade the fire department and the previously stated hot firemen through your entire shopping trip and will, in fact, nearly booty bump the only chick fireman (woman? person?) into the cans of tuna as you bend to get a can of soup that’s on sale.
- You will somehow become trapped BETWEEN two hot firemen while trying to check out and they will involve you in a weird religious movie discussion and then segue into horror films (which you don’t watch because you’re a chicken).
- ESCAPE. You will be outside the store, already talking to someone on the phone (loudly) about hot firemen and Kenny Chesney when the super-majorly-most-beeootiful of the firemen (aka the one standing behind you in line) will gallop up with something the checker forgot to put in your bags. And it will be your box of tampons.
- You will die of humiliation because now you have a handful of tampon and the firemen just heard you commenting on his ass and how you danced in the grocery store aisle.
This is hilarious - and something like this has definitely happened to me before. Hasn’t it happened to all of us at one point? Maybe not exactly but dang close.
And coming from the daughter of one - the correct term is firefighter. That covers ALL the sexes. ;)
by Karen Erickson February 20th, 2007 at 11:40 pmI hope to God all this didn’t really happen, Crystal, that you’re exaggerating some part of it. Really. Please.
LOL — my word verification is mepeetlc.
by Robin L. Rotham February 21st, 2007 at 2:32 amDude,
If this is 100% true, it’s gotta be in a story. *snorts* I can just see this.
by Lass February 21st, 2007 at 3:40 amI believe everything happened…..except the tampons. That boggles my mind.
by Jen February 21st, 2007 at 3:58 amOnly you, honey.
Ok that’s great. Did it really happen? :D
by Shelli Stevens February 21st, 2007 at 6:26 amYes. It’s a true story. And for reasons I will not be explaining to you, it’s ALL the Mad Madam M’s fault.
by Crystal Jordan February 21st, 2007 at 8:09 pmYou are so NOT kidding, lol. And I thought my jean shopping extravaganza was bad!
by Marty Kindall February 22nd, 2007 at 12:55 amAbsolutely-freaking-hilarious!!! I guess you’ll know better next time. LOL
by Lyric February 22nd, 2007 at 2:27 amOMG that is my worst nightmare. Stay out of my head crystal. lol :)
by Samantha Lucas February 22nd, 2007 at 4:26 amLyric: I know! NEVER go shopping on laundery day!
Marty: It’s just too crazy, isn’t it?
Samantha: I think it’s everyone’s fear. My life is like a bad chick lit novel.
by Crystal Jordan February 22nd, 2007 at 6:45 pm