Crystal Jordan :: Blog

My girl Jennifer Leeland has a new release from The Wild Rose Press in their Rose Petals Anthology with a naughty little tale called Garden of Sin. Check it out!

And my historical erotic romance, A Lesson in Pleasure, will release next Thursday from The Wild Rose Press. On Friday, I’ll be giving away free copies while I chat it up with Ravyn Wilde, Kyann Waters/Lisa Dawn MacDonald over on the FAR Yahoo Loop. So come hang out with us and win free goodies!

Okay, I’m doing this officially this week. So, have fun. Enjoy. And have a loverly Thursday!

Thirteen Things I Intend to Do at RWA Nationals 1. Get a picture of Shelli Stevens’ boobs. (I already have one from last year) 2. Hump Lillian Feisty’s leg on the dance floor. 3. Make R.G. Alexander sing karaoke all by herself. 4. Spank Eden Bradley, but only on one cheek because she hates to be uneven. Mwah ha ha! 5. Steal Loribelle Hunt’s camera and get a picture of her for once. 6. Kiss Lacy Danes on the lips because it’s not fair that only Eden got to last year. 7. Not get drunk. I am limited to only one drink per night, so no one gets a picture of me singing karaoke by myself while flashing my ta-tas. 8. Kick Emma Petersen if she snores because she’s my roommate and I’m a light sleeper. If that doesn’t work, I will resort to more drastic measures to ensure peaceful slumber. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 9. Stuff manuscript pages under a bathroom stall at an agent or editor in an effort to sell my book. I think it’s an urban legend that that ever happened, and I want it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 10. Pitch my book to an editor or agent and be so impressive they’ll offer be a million dollar contract and beg me to write a forty book series a la Wheel of Time. 11. Short sheet Cassidy Kent/Jax Crane’s bed. It’ll have to be very short sheeted because she’s on the mini-me side of life. 12. Run like hell from Kristen Painter when she realizes I’ve slipped past her wicked defenses to short sheet the mini-me’s bed. 13. Moon Gemma Halliday when she wins the RITA award for her novel Spying in High Heels. At first I said Eden and I would flash our ta-tas at her, but I realized it won’t work with the dress I’m wearing. Thus, I will simply have to moon her. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. R.G. Alexander 2. Jennah Sharpe 3. Rhonda Stapleton 4. Gina Ardito 5. Diana Castilleja 6. Emma Wayne Porter 7. Debora Dennis-Mills 8. Jennifer McKenzie 9. Elle Fredrix 10. Samantha Lucas 11. Emma Sinclair 12. Shonna Brannon 13. Eden Bradley 14. Heather 15. Yolanda Sfetsos 16. Rene Lyons 17. Michelle Pillow 18. Bianca D’Arc 19. Kate Willoughby 20. Brenda Williamson 21.Margo Lukas 22. Eva Gale 23. Shari Straight 24. Chelle Sandell 25. Jax Crane (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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It’s that time of the week again. The dreaded hump day. As always, the Mad Madam M and I try to lighten your load by giving you pretty things to distract you from the fact that you still have half the work week to go. In any case, this week’s pretty men theme is Battlestar Gallactica, another evil, vicious, soul-and-time-sucking thing that M got me hooked on. And just in case you didn’t know, Jamie Bamber is the actor who plays Apollo. Apparently, it’s all the same to M. We won’t talk about how in touch with reality she is, but she brings us pretties, so do we really care? I didn’t think so.

Mad Madam M: Ladies and perhaps gentlemen…I give you the reason I began watching this program. Sure I was interested in the Stand and Deliver guy and the Dances with Wolves chick, but really…it was all about Jamie Bamber and his muscles.

Crystal: And his shiny, leather-ish pants. Don’t forget those.

Mad Madam M: Not sure I could resist one hot guy in black, but I know I couldn’t resist two. *pets computer moniter* I mean I had to physically remove my hand from petting a black clad Helo and Apollo. Frak! *resumes petting the screen*

Crystal: Dude, you know you’ve been drinking the Kool-Aid when you start using their fake and bake, made for tv ratings cuss words.

Mad Madam M: So I had to add a pic of Starbuck – having Apollo there doesn’t hurt the eyes either – since I have a total girl-crush on Kara Thrace. I don’t know how you couldn’t!

Crystal: Look! more shiny, leather-like pants! And Starbuck? I’d totally do her. Rrowr.

Mad Madam M: *drool* Pretty…oh so pretty… *drool*

Crystal: He should dress like that more often in the show. Like, every episode, all the time. It’s a good look for him. I think they were on to something.

Mad Madam M: I might be weird, but I quite like Felix Gaeta. Sure he seems a bit unhinged and a shifty at times, but I have to admit I am a bit enamored. Well, more than a bit…I mean the guy is smart and in this pic pulls off a sweater with a suit jacket. Got to admire the style skills…

Crystal: I’d do him, too. And Starbuck. At the same time.

Mad Madam M: Ok…so Anders isn’t really that much of a character (personally I call him Blanders and Crys hasn’t even met him yet), but the boy is pretty and deserves to be in this collection of BSG hotties. I mean he more than qualifies…

Crystal: I have no idea who he is because I’ve only made it through season 1 DVDs, but he really is quite pretty.

Mad Madam M: See…in my mind, I replace Sharon’s head with mine.

Crystal: Yes, but I get to keep her mini-me body while still doing it with the man in leather-like pants.

Mad Madam M: Oh Jamie…how I love you! I even loved you when you were a skinny British naval officer prancing around in loafers with Ioan Gruffudd trying to pull off really bad hair.

Crystal: Do not mock the Horatio Hornblower. I totally love the Brit Naval drama crap. It makes me happy inside.

Mad Madam M: This one goes out to the Persnickety Hooch…I don’t know what you see in Baltar, but I hope you enjoying gazing at this pic. I love James Callis in many other films, most notably Bridget Jones’s Diary and Arabian Nights, but I can’t seem to separate James from Baltar anymore…and I hate to admit it, I really kind of despise Baltar.

Crystal: I’m not a Gaius Baltar fan either, but I’m sure the Persnickety Hooch will drool appropriately.

Mad Madam M: I love this cast pic. I have no clue why. It could be the stylized look of the image. Or Starbuck fake speed walking while going for her gun. Or Baltar’s poofy hair. Or perhaps even the president’s expressionles face (she must have just got botox). Ah, who am I kidding? I love the Apollo/Adama relationship (even though I don’t buy that they could ever be related in real life) and this image of Apollo protecting his father warms my heart. Yes my heart…why do you ask?

Crystal: Right. Your heart. Cuz that’s what warms up when you look at Jamie Bamber. Right. And the dude in the middle looks dead, not protected. I think Jamie killed him. It’s like Oedipus Rex all over! Only without the marrying the mom part. Perhaps he’ll wed his brother’s fiancee instead. That might kinda work in the Oedipus of it all.

Mad Madam M: Okay…I just couldn’t resist. But can you blame me?!?!?! If anyone asks for me, I’ll be in my bunk!

Crystal: If only his towel would shift just a leetle to the right. Or just fall off. That would work too.

And check it out. A Battlestar Gallactica comic strip! Click the pic to make it big enough to read.

The Persnickety Hooch sent me a picture of the back of my head on Saturday. ElectroShock took this stunning piece of photographic art. Doesn’t my hair look cute?

Then, I checked the weather report and it’s supposed to snow this evening, tomorrow, and the next day. Up to TEN INCHES. And possibly 50 MPH wind. What?!?!?!

This is after three weeks of nice, dry, Spring-like temperatures. Mother nature is dicking with me this week and I Am Unhappy.

See? Click here to see what the Weather Channel has to say. I have a Severe Storm Warning and a Wind Advisory. Do you see that crap? GAH! It’s SPRING, dammit. SPRING.

Snow should not fall after the first day of Spring. Which, by the way, was LAST WEEK. Ugh. Mutter. Whine.

I’m blogging later today about how to write a blurb over at The Novelty Girls. Check it out!

And I promised tawdry and titillating details of my night out dancing with the Persnickety Hooch and company. Here goes. I do want to mention that I did wicked cool things with my hair that night, and a picture of the back of it is forthcoming.

Here’s the totally cute Persnickety Hooch in her goth-fairy fetish best. Happy Graduation, Persnickety Hooch!

The Persnickety Hooch on top of her mancakes, ElectroShock, who told me scary ass stories about studies with people electroshocking other people to death just because an authority figure/doctor told them it was okay and they wouldn’t get in trouble. Fascinating conversations to have while drunk, no?

I seem to be doing weird stuff with my mouth in every picture, but that’s me and Persnickety Hooch saying HELLO to ElectroShock.

And here is more weird mouth action where I meant to look like I was licking ElectroShock, but he gave me this weird look out of the corner of his eye and I started laughing.

Okay, before you start thinking I’m a smoker (I’m SO not)…I should tell you this was a dare (and I’d had several drinks with names I’d never heard of at Persnickety Hooch’s suggestion). There was a dude at her party who collapsed twice for no apparent reason. All he’d had were one drink and a cigarette. He’d forgotten his ciggies and everyone said they were laced with something that made him faint. In order to disprove this horrific rumor I felt the drunken need to smoke one and prove they wouldn’t make me pass out. ElectroShock stood ready to document the notorious affair.

Me at 2:30am at a greasy spoon restaurant getting food so I could sober up and be good to drive.

A perky ElectroShock and Persnickety Hooch waiting for their fine dining order to magically appear.

I went to a dance club last night with the Persnickety Hooch and company. More fun info on it tomorrow. Today, let’s talk about how pure you are when you come out a club. Not very usually.

You Are 28% Pure

You’ve either done it, thought about it, or at least heard about it. Luckily, there’s a few things left for you to try!

I almost did it. I almost went to the grocery store and managed to leave without making a pit stop at the Girl Scout Cookies table outside. I needed only a few items, and basically I needed to break a $20 bill because I have to pay the door charge at the dance club I’m going to tonight. The Persnickety Hooch is graduating with her master’s degree in librarianista-ness. Of course, I ended up grabbing more things than were on my list (Yeah, like you don’t do that, too) so I used the ATM/Visa swipey card. On my way out of the store, I remembered (duh!) that I had had a dual mission when I went in. Not just the stuff on my list, but to break the $20. Crap. Then, there they were in their Girl Scout cheeriness. And one of the little girls smiled at me. So I gave in to the evil twists of fate and bought a box to break the bill.

They gave me a weird look when I refused the free sample. I didn’t say it was because I’d end up buying my usual favorite AND whatever they were sampling me with. So, now I’m sitting here all middle class white girl and nerdy, munching on a tube of Thin Mints.

I also found some videos that amused me. It’s Weird Al’s usual funniess called White and Nerdy, where he had the ultimate white-boy nerd Donny Osmond guest star for his video. Here’s the actual video and the green screen version where Donny and Weird Al dance around like the white and nerdy boys they are.

Because I can, I’m recommending for your reading pleasure another awesome book called Seasons of Change: Dating Season by Shelli Stevens. There are four of us writing in the Seasons of Change series–one for each season. Shelli has Spring. Loribelle Hunt has Summer with Hurricane Season. I have Fall with my book Open Season, and Sara Dennis has Winter. No idea what she’s calling hers yet.

Anyway, hop on this series now! I get the uptight, workaholic brother who learns to open up when he meets his hot werelioness heroine. Yum.

Being raised with three brothers, Jada Lassiter has a habit of getting into trouble. And this time trouble shows up at the shifter resort her family owns in two forms: a sexy werejaguar who’s made it clear he wants her in his bed. And an evil from her past, determined to have revenge.

Antonio Grant is a bounty hunter who came to the exclusive Still Waters resort to track down a criminal. He never expected to find his mate, or to realize her life is in jeopardy by the very man he’s hunting.

Buy it here later today!

Lillian Feisty, trashy writer extraordinaire, released her VERY FIRST BOOK this week from Ellora’s Cave. Go, Lilli, go! Plus, do you see the hunka hunka burnin’ mancakes on her cover. This is probably the best Cavemen Anthology cover EVER.

Lilli wrote the short story DANCE OF THE PLAIN JANE. Here’s what it’s about.

Shy Jane Holliday has loved sexy Navy SEAL Michael Sky from afar for over a year. But one night the sultry beat of an exotic drum loosens her inhibitions and empowers her to seduce her dream lover.

It’s the wrong time and place, but the instant Michael spots the veiled dancer weaving her sensual magic he’s stopped dead in his tracks. His hands itch to touch not just the curve of her undulating hips but every spot on her enchanting body.

But having Michael run out on her after she’s revealing her deepest, darkest desire reminds Jane that trust is a difficult issue.

Go here for an excerpt.

And here to buy this feisty little literary gem.

This episode of Hump Day Hotties I’m flying solo without the Mad Madam M. This means I’m required to pick a topic that she would either A) not be interested in, or B) mock me for. I think this one encompasses C) all of the above.

I’m doing a Geek Like Me episode for the Firefly tv show/ Serenity movie cast. Why? Because the geek in me just bought the new Serenity graphic novel. See? Isn’t it pretty? Can’t wait to read it.

Here’s Malcolm Reynolds, captain of Serenity and hotty extraordinaire. Though he kinda looks like a goofball when he smiles, so it’s probably best that he doesn’t smile much on the show. Bitter characters are good for his complexion.

This one is a nice segue into our next character Jayne. He’s the dumb badass of the show. Basically a blunt instrument that Mal can aim where he pleases. Just don’t let Jayne think too much. It’s dangerous. He has a lot of guns.

Next up is Wash, the pilot of Serenity and certified comic relief of the show. He’s married to a badass chick, and he play with plastic dinosaurs.

Simon is the doctor of the show, and had a major-huge stick up his bum most of the time. he has the shiny-earnest character of the show who’s been screwed over by his own morals. Bend over and take it, doc.

This one is for Robin Rotham, who complains about the teeny boppers on Hump day Hotties. This is Book, he’s a reverent with a dark, evil, mysterious past.

For those who like the girls, this ones for you.

And we close with a full cast shot. Love Books sneakers. Very chic and classy.