March 1st, 2007
So, last night my pipes broke in my apartment. Water was running down both sides of the wall that connect my bathroom and kitchen.
Steps in Crystal’s Disaster Management Plan:
- Call the landlord and report the problem. Am put on hold.
- Speak to upstairs neighbor and see if her pipes were leaking. Answer: no.
- Am asked if I mind a plumber entering my house in the morning while I am not there. Answer: sure, but stay away from my porn collection.
- Am informed that the water to the entire building must be shut off until a plumber can be called in the morning, and I must walk around the building and alert neighbors to the impending shut down.
- Take a quick hose down shower and brush teeth, fill a water bottle so I can brush my teeth in the morning and thus not offend the delicate sensibilities of the students I have to teach.
- Knock on every door in the building wearing fire engine red flannel pajamas with Dalmations and fire hydrants on them (they were a gift and they’re cute, dammit!)
- Piss all over everyone’s evening at 11PM.
- Mild hysteria and panic ensues among the neighbors as they rush to fill water jugs and hose themselves down in Army style showers.
- Am directed by landlord on how to find the main shut off valve and am told it is obvious. Response: not true, and you still can’t touch my porn collection. Must test multiple valves before I find the right one.
- Forget I promised neighbors 30 minutes of water before shut off.
- Shut off water.
- Neighbors come screeching half-dressed and sopping wet out of apartments thinking the pipes have burst.
- Inform neighbors this was a test, and only a test, and they should go back to rationing water.
- Crawl into bed with visions of flooding and insurance claims dancing in my head.
Overall rating of Crystal’s disaster management skills: C-
In good news, I got the cover for my historical romance called A Lesson in Pleasure. He’s pretty, no? Half-nekked man is niiiiice.
Personally I think you handled it rather well! I hope everything gets better soon!
And great cover, congrats!
by Shelli Stevens February 28th, 2007 at 6:43 pmThanks, Shelli! I hope it all works out okay and I have water when I get home!
by Crystal Jordan February 28th, 2007 at 7:08 pmOhhhhh I love the cover.
by Jen February 28th, 2007 at 7:37 pmYour disaster plan is hilarious!!!! You’re so much nicer than I am. I’d tell the landlord to get her a** down there and shut it off herself.
Whatever.
I love your jammies-I want a pair LOL. I would not have past that disaster management test. I hope your water is on when you get home…and that your porn collection is intact. :}
by R.G. ALEXANDER February 28th, 2007 at 7:40 pmOkay, so the porn collection was a joke. The rest really happened. And my landlady is out of state just now.
by Crystal Jordan February 28th, 2007 at 7:43 pmI would have FREAKED! The landlord made YOU shut it off and had YOU inform the tennants? Um…not your freaking job! You’re much too nice.
by JENNA February 28th, 2007 at 9:43 pmI agree — you ARE too nice!
Gee, that’s quite a weapon he’s got there. :D I’m going to have to read that.
by Robin L. Rotham February 28th, 2007 at 10:44 pmLOL–thanks, Robin.
And I came home to find the plumber put a HUGE hole in my bathroom cieling. Nice, huh?
by Crystal Jordan March 1st, 2007 at 12:20 amThat’s truly “half a nekkid man” rather than “a half-nekkid man.”
I forgived you for Hump Day Hotties.
by Grace Tyler March 1st, 2007 at 4:30 amOh, that is a terrible thing to happen. So, so sorry.
Cover and MAN is very very nice! COngrats
by Jill Monroe March 1st, 2007 at 2:06 pmGrace–thanks. I did have an emergency, so I didn’t have time to find cute men. We’ll return to our regularly scheduled hotties next Wednesday.
Jill–it sucked at the time, but now it’s kind of funny. Thus the humorous post. I swear sometimes that I’m living in a chick lit novel.
by Crystal Jordan March 1st, 2007 at 7:03 pm