Okay, I’m doing this officially this week. So, have fun. Enjoy. And have a loverly Thursday!
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| Thirteen Things I Intend to Do at RWA Nationals
1. Get a picture of Shelli Stevens’ boobs. (I already have one from last year) 2. Hump Lillian Feisty’s leg on the dance floor. 3. Make R.G. Alexander sing karaoke all by herself. 4. Spank Eden Bradley, but only on one cheek because she hates to be uneven. Mwah ha ha! 5. Steal Loribelle Hunt’s camera and get a picture of her for once. 6. Kiss Lacy Danes on the lips because it’s not fair that only Eden got to last year. 7. Not get drunk. I am limited to only one drink per night, so no one gets a picture of me singing karaoke by myself while flashing my ta-tas. 8. Kick Emma Petersen if she snores because she’s my roommate and I’m a light sleeper. If that doesn’t work, I will resort to more drastic measures to ensure peaceful slumber. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 9. Stuff manuscript pages under a bathroom stall at an agent or editor in an effort to sell my book. I think it’s an urban legend that that ever happened, and I want it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 10. Pitch my book to an editor or agent and be so impressive they’ll offer be a million dollar contract and beg me to write a forty book series a la Wheel of Time. 11. Short sheet Cassidy Kent/Jax Crane’s bed. It’ll have to be very short sheeted because she’s on the mini-me side of life. 12. Run like hell from Kristen Painter when she realizes I’ve slipped past her wicked defenses to short sheet the mini-me’s bed. 13. Moon Gemma Halliday when she wins the RITA award for her novel Spying in High Heels. At first I said Eden and I would flash our ta-tas at her, but I realized it won’t work with the dress I’m wearing. Thus, I will simply have to moon her. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! |
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Too funny Crystal. Wish I was going!
by Jennah March 29th, 2007 at 1:53 pmHILARIOUS. You are SUCH a goofball…I’d better see pictures posted on RD of your adventures!!!
Rhonda
by Rhonda Stapleton March 29th, 2007 at 1:53 pmhttp://rhondastapleton.authorsabode.com/
I’ll be there to help make some of these come true. In the meantime, here’s a TRUE story from last year’s National. During a publisher party, my roommate followed the editor into the bathroom and waited until she was in the stall with her pants down before saying, “Now that I’ve got you where I want you, let me pitch my next ms to you…”
They both had a good laugh, and while the editor did request the ms, my roommate sold it elsewhere.
by Gina Ardito March 29th, 2007 at 1:58 pmOMG!! I’m cracking up!
You’re too funny Crystal… But what’s scary, is I think you could actually do at least half of that list. And that is truly a worrisome fact! LOL
It’s the other half that makes me wonder what you drank at the LAST RWA conference. *wink*
Hugs and love honey.
Diana Castilleja
by Diana Castilleja March 29th, 2007 at 2:19 pmhttp://dianasmeetingplace.blogspot.com/
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha
Maybe I’ll have to change my mind this year and go, just to observe while you do all this stuff.
by Emma Wayne Porter March 29th, 2007 at 2:27 pm#9 cracked me up! And thanks for the heads up about the karoake - I’ll be sure to stay far away from you, cause I could clear a room with my lovely voice!
by Debora Dennis-Mills March 29th, 2007 at 2:33 pmYou know you wanna sing with me-you do-you really do. lol
by R.G. ALEXANDER March 29th, 2007 at 3:01 pmHow the heck are you going to do all that stuff sober?
by Jennifer McK March 29th, 2007 at 3:26 pmWell I suppose short sheeting the beds, pitching great to an agent and running from Kristen will require a clear head.
Getting a picture of Shelli’s boobs? You may have to drink WITH her.
I’m waiting with great anticipation to see the results of this little road trip.
LOL. These are hysterical.
And if anyone does get the pic in #7, make sure you share. Forget the pic, go for a video clip.
Great list!
by Elle Fredrix March 29th, 2007 at 3:44 pmOkay…I’m not sure if that list made me glad I’m NOT going, or sort of sad to miss out on all the…uh, fun?
by Samantha Lucas March 29th, 2007 at 4:07 pmUh, wow.
You’re kinda scaring me a little bit.
Funny list!
by Emma Sinclair March 29th, 2007 at 4:24 pmI can do anything sober that I can do drunk. Only better. How’s that for scary.
And what happens in Dallas, stays in Dallas. You’ve gotta come to Dallas. everyone!
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 4:53 pmLMAO….too funny. I needed that.
by Shonna Brannon March 29th, 2007 at 5:27 pmI live to entertain, Shonna. Thanks for stopping by!
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 6:32 pmYou are evillllllll!!!!!!!!
by Eden Bradley March 29th, 2007 at 6:49 pmBut we love you, anyway. How twisted is that?
Very. And you’re twisted, too…evil ringleader chick. *smooch*
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 6:53 pmWhy am I suddenly glad I won’t be in Dallas? ROFL
Heather
by Heather March 29th, 2007 at 7:17 pmhttp://wordtrix.blogspot.com/
Lol Crystal! Too funny. :)
Oh, and please add me to your links. I’m at: http://ysfetsos.blogspot.com/
I just started doing this T13 thing myself. ;)
Thanks!
by Y March 29th, 2007 at 7:21 pmAw, c’mon. Dallas will be fun!
Yay, Yolanda! This is going to be fun!
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 7:51 pmOMG! These were hilarious. Now it’s harder for me to not be going. :(
by Rene Lyons March 29th, 2007 at 8:20 pmAw! Too bad you’re going to miss it, Rene! I’ll be posting the non-incriminating pictures. ;-)
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 8:22 pmLOL Funny List.
This will be my first RWA. I had not idea they were so wild, lol.
Michelle
by Michelle Pillow March 29th, 2007 at 8:24 pmhttp://www.michellepillow.com/authorblog/
Yay, Michelle! RWA is very tame at during the conference, lots of fun. At night? It’s Girls Gone Wild: Romance Author Edition.
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 8:26 pmThis is my first RWA too. I’m excited but a little nervous.
by mandymroth March 29th, 2007 at 8:52 pm“Spank Eden Bradley, but only on one cheek because she hates to be uneven. Mwah ha ha!” - that’s so damn funny! I was going to tell you to hook up with Lila Dubois who emailed me a photo of the riding crop she just got for her conference - but she’s going to RT in April, not RWA in July.
by crowwoman / rhian March 29th, 2007 at 8:57 pmNothing to be nervous about! It’s soooo much fun. You’ll be on such a high the whole week.
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 8:58 pmOh good! She can take care of the wicked Eden at RT, since I’m not going. Fun for the whole family.
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 8:59 pmMakes me almost wish I was going to Dallas! (But one trip to TX per year is my quota and I’m going to RT.) ;-)
But I have to just say, Cassidy Kent’s not THAT short. I mean, sure, she’s shorter than me and I’m average height (5′5″), but she’s not in munchkinland or anything. LOL. You made her sound like a midget! LMAO!!!
Bianca
by Bianca D'Arc March 29th, 2007 at 9:26 pmhttp://biancadarc.blogspot.com/
She probably just under 5′0, so she’s not exactly tall.
Exhibit A: http://romancedivas.com/RWA%202005/Jax_Kristen.jpg
Jax and her bodyguard Kristen Painter.
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 9:33 pmWhat an awesome list. You are making me want to go also. Maybe next year. I want pictures girl!
by Kissa Starling March 29th, 2007 at 9:53 pmheh, the bathroom stall one actually isn’t an urban legend. It happened to Marsha Zinberg at Harlequin. She spoke to my editing class a million years ago and told that story. :)
by Lara March 29th, 2007 at 10:13 pmKissa: I guarantee nothing. Mwah ha ha.
Lara: Oh my gosh, really? That’s horrifying and funny al at once!
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 10:51 pmI’d like to get through RWA National without any awkward social moments. :) I’d also like to keep my ta-tas to myself. They’re not as perky as they used to be and shouldn’t be subjected to the reality of being has-beens. ;)
Welcome to the TT Insanity, Crystal!
http://katewilloughby.blogspot.com/
by Kate Willoughby March 29th, 2007 at 11:14 pmWith enough alcohol, no social moment is awkward. And, hey, at least yours are has-beens. Mine are never-weres.
by Crystal Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 11:33 pmYou have a lot of interesting plans :-)
http://www.brendawilliamson.blogspot.com
by Brenda Williamson March 30th, 2007 at 12:11 amCute list…well, maybe “cute” is the wrong word :)
You already know what dress you’ll be wearing???
by Margo Lukas March 30th, 2007 at 12:22 amBrenda: Everyone needs a plan.
Margo: Yep. It’s one a already own and have only worn once. I think it needs to come out and play.
by Crystal Jordan March 30th, 2007 at 12:36 amOMG, I am so jealous I’m seething. I WANNA GOOO!!! Wahhhhhh!
(Can I help spank Eden?)
by Eva Gale March 30th, 2007 at 3:31 amDallas should be VERY interesting! Atlanta was fun, though…
by Shari March 30th, 2007 at 4:15 amEva: Of COURSE you can spank Eden. I’m not selfish. Besides, you know she loves it.
Shari: It’s always a party when Divas are involved.
by Crystal Jordan March 30th, 2007 at 2:53 pmI feel like an old married woman jealous of her college friends on spring break! I haven’t had anyone want a pic of the old ta-tas since that last x-ray years ago. Hubby in Iraq doesn’t count. I wouldn’t want anyone short standing near when I unhooked the bra…might put a knot on someones head as they unroll!
Chelle
by Chelle Sandell March 30th, 2007 at 8:45 pmOh my gosh! I almost cried I laughed so hard at that, Chelle.
by Crystal Jordan March 30th, 2007 at 8:58 pmI’d like to see you short sheet me! LOL
Hilarious post!
by jax March 31st, 2007 at 6:22 amAhhhh! It’s the mighty Jax! You’re not supposed to see my evil secret plan!
by Crystal Jordan March 31st, 2007 at 2:32 pm