So, it’s been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. And I still have today and tomorrow to get through. According to the news and chat with R.G. Alexander yesterday, it appears the crap week is a global phenomenon. So, I’ve decided to come up with a list of things that make me happy. Hope you enjoy.

Thirteen Things that make me smile 1. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men. 2. Puppies. 3. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men in uniform. 4. The smell of dirt after a spring rain. 5. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men strapped to a chair so I can have my wicked way with them. 6. Long walks on the beach. 7. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men on motorcycles. 8. Clean sheets. 9. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men with sexy tattoos. 10. Fuzzy bunnies. 11. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men in in my bed. 12. My nieces’ laughter. 13. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men in just a pair of jeans. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

It’s that time of the week again, and man do I need it. Seriously. I’m happy to be sliding down the hill of this week. To celebrate the wild theme of my new blog and site, the Mad Madam M and I are doing adventurers gone wild as our theme for the week. Enjoy!

Indiana Jones (‘nuf said!)

Mad Madam M: It all goes back to a young Indiana Jones my friend…my first crush with a whip! Purty, purty, purty…

Crystal: I’m not even going to comment on your whip-loving ways. It’s a part of our friendship we don’t need to explore further.

Mad Madam M: Jones. Indiana Jones. Ok…it doesn’t have the same ring, but that doesn’t stop me from staring!

Crystal: Shaken, not stirred.

Sully (Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman)

Mad Madam M: For the life of me, I have no idea how Dr. Mike stopped herself from jumping that man for two years. TWO YEARS. I guess some things we aren’t supposed to understand!

Crystal: I’m sorry, but as much as I like Sully, he looks like Fabio in this picture and it’s kind of freaking me out.

Mad Madam M: See, this is another one of those pics that I imagine my head on another body. Oh to have Jane Seymour’s body and lay in Sully’s arms.

Crystal: I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Mad Madam M: I had to sneak one more in…even if it is early 90s cheesy. Well, especially because it is 90s cheesy!!

Crystal: He’s hawt in this photo, he really is. Who cares if it’s cheesy? Take your shirt off, Sully!

Dirk Pitt (Sahara)

Mad Madam M: ah…Dirk in an archive. My little heart goes pitter patter. It has to be one of the sexiest things I have ever seen…and I don’t even like Matthew McConaughey!

Crystal: It would only be better if he was naked, or mostly so.

Mad Madam M: Not sure what he is doing with his hands, but it really doesn’t matter. I’m caught up staring at his baby oiled skin and sexy swin trunks! If only the swim trunks could disappear…apparently the tinkerbell cure doesn’t work for naughty daydreams!

Crystal: Wow, that’s a lot of baby oil. And I don’t care. I’d use his body as a Slip ‘n Slide any day.

Mad Madam M: With tank-top wearing skills like that, Matt should really look into joining the cast of Battlestar Galactica!

Crystal: Oh God, she went there. I just lost my hard on.

Rick O’Connell (Mummy movies)

Mad Madam M: Absolutely love the goofy look in this pic. Well, I love the movie. Frak! I just love Brendan Fraser!!

Crystal: She said Frak. Dude, not everything is a Battlestar Gallactica reference. I swear, send a girl to ONE sci-fi convention… And all I have to say about the pic is: tee-hee, he has a BROADsword.

Mad Madam M: It looks like O’Connell muscled up between films…however I will need to conduct further research…perhaps requiring a strip search. All I know is it will be intense!

Crystal: He deserves it. Get all up on him. Tell him who’s boss. Use Indy’s whip if you must.

Aragorn (LOTR)

Mad Madam M: I know, I know…Aragorn doesn’t really fit in the list as easily, but can you blame me? In this pic, he seems to be staring right at me…

Crystal: He is staring right at you. He’s lovely. I just want to sigh and keep looking. Then use his body as a jungle gym.

Mad Madam M: I love a man in armor. It may not look sexy, but trust me it is…especially on Aragorn! Just think of what’s underneath!!

Crystal: Armor is sexy if it can be removed quickly. That’s no the kind of weight you want pressing down on you when…um…nevermind.

Allan Quatermain (Richard Chamberlain)

Mad Madam M: *chuckle* Crystal, this one is all you… *takes a moment to chuckle again*

Crystal: Oh, please. At least mine fits the theme. And campy cute is still cute. And scroll down, ladies and gents, to see her Goonies addition to Hump Day Hotties. And I’m the crazy one. Yeeeah.

Jack T. Colton (Romancing the Stone)

Mad Madam M: It must be the adventurer hat…that is the only think hat can explain how the hotness level of Michael Douglas could go up that high. I’m not sure what’s under the car, but I am willing to help look…

Crystal: I’m hoping it’s ME under the car. And he wants to check my brakes and rotate my tires. As such.

Mad Madam M: Who doesn’t love Jack? I mean he’s a romance writer’s dream…

Crystal: I’m shocked you still think he’s hot after what he did to her shoes in the movie. I know how you feel about shoes.

Brand Walsh (Goonies)

Mad Madam M: Goonies never say DIE!! Not sure how that fits in, but hey, it fits. Besides, I had a major crush on Josh Brolin after this movie. Who am I kidding? I still love Brand Walsh!

Crystal: Okay, so Goonies? I love the movie, but…dude. Don’t make fun of my 80′s camp unless you want me to make fun of yours.

Captain Virgil Hilts (The Great Escape)

Mad Madam M: Of course Hilts made the list. Come on…it’s Steve McQueen. Steve Frakkin’ McQueen. Nobody does tough guy better…nobody!

Crystal: Steven McQueen. Yum. I wanna ride his motorcycle with him.

Yesterday I went with the Persnickety Hooch to her hair stylist. I have an awesome stylist in California (the home state–woot woot) who has made me pretty for twelve years. And this is really important for a fat chick. I mean, my hair is the one thing about my that I KNOW looks good and not just from a certain angle. It just looks good.

Persnickety Hooch proclaimed her hairdresser the most offensive person ever born, and I have to agree. He was freaking hilarious. I can see why she warns people before meeting him because he doesn’t even try to be PC about anything. And he knows he’s full of crap too. My kinda guy.

He says he’s going to turn my hair a coppery red because it will look good with my freckles. I’m okay with anything as long as I walk out of there with cute hair. I’ve done Reba McIntyre red, dark burgundy, and light auburn with blonde streaks, but never copper. I have an appointment in three weeks, so we’ll see how it goes. Cross your fingers, toes, eyes, and ovaries for me.

Also, we’re talking (arguing, claws bared a li’l bit) about definition of a romance novel. Check out our two cents here.

I’m blogging over at The Novelty Girls today, and showing off my new business cards that match my new website (click on the menu to the right to check out my new pages). The blog look is forth coming. Croco Designs did it for me. Isn’t it lovely?

The colors are a bit off on this image, but there’s a nekked man. See?

This week is all about travel. If I could get away to any country, where would I go? Australia for sure. However, the quiz today is about which Asian country I should visit. Apparently, I’m meant for curries and the Taj Mahal. Rock on. I’m so there. Any day now.

You Should Travel to India

You’re a passionate, gusty traveler – and India’s gritty urban centers won’t scare you away. Maybe you’ll take in the Taj Mahal, eat the best curry of your life, or attend a huge street festival.

Jennifer McKenzie’s new book in her Divine Intervention series comes out. Singled Out was the first one, and the newest one is Double Trouble (sense a theme here?). This book is awesome, I critiqued it for her before she sold it. Loved it. I mean, who doesn’t love a guardian angel fresh out of AA? Yep, he’s got a lot of making up for in his charge’s lives.

Depressed and devastated after her husband’s death, Elizabeth Muldoon is hiding from life. When Jerod Anderson is brutally honest with her, she kicks him out of her life. Until he comes back, she doesn’t realize that her true soul mate was in front of her all along. Can her guardian angel help her see the love she’d missed?

It goes on sale here later today. Go buy it!

Thirteen Foods I Hate 1. I’m a picky eater, so yes, there are thirteen foods. And some of them I’ll admit are weird. Like COFFEE. I hate coffee. I really want to like it–it SMELLS so good, but it tastes like tar mixed with eau de roadkill. And what adult in America doesn’t like coffee? Me. That’s it. Just me. 2. Eggs. I used to eat them all the time when I was little, and now I can’t stand the taste unless they’re scrambled and buried under a mountain of ketchup and hash browns. 3. Egg salad. I see it, especially SMELL it, and I will lose whatever happens to be in my tummy at the time. I kid you not. 4. Brussel sprouts. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this. They look like little shrunken heads and they taste like farts. Gross, but true. 5. Peas. I’ll gonna ick you out a bit and admit I can’t stand these because it feels like little zits are popping in my mouth when I eat them. 6. Onions. I like them cooked because they take on the flavor of whatever you cooked them with, but raw? Ewwwwww. And they leave their pungent flavor behind. When they come on a salad I have to pick them off AND anything that’s touched them. Contamination, I tell you. All that lettuce was fraternizing with the enemy. 7. Fish. I looks good, it even smells good. And all those cooking shows that say almost crusted salmon in a raspberry glaze make my tongue long to try it. Alas and alack, I have yet to experience fish that didn’t taste like…well, fish. 8. Lamb. Let me qualify this. I LOVE lamb when it’s prepared in the Greek style with all those yummy spices. Any other way is just foul (and I don’t mean the bird kind here, either). 9. Sweet pickles. Give me crunchy, spicy, kosher dills. That other stuff need not apply. 10. Sweet potatoes. My grams just loves these any which way they come. Me? Not so much. They taste like potatoes that are trying too hard to be dessert. And that’s just not right. 11. Tiramisu. I’m willing to admit that perhaps I’ve never had this prepared well, but every time I’ve had it the texture…or something…has just been a bit off. I can’t put my finger on it. 12. Brown rice. It tastes like dirt. 13. Raisins. But only sometimes. I have an on-again/off-again relationship with the shriveled grape. Y’all are never inviting me over to your house for dinner, are you? I’m a very good guest, really! I’ll eat whatever’s put in front of me. The only tell I have is that if I hate it, I drink a lot of water with every bite. And then I’ll need to use your bathroom. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

This week’s Hump Day Hotties is a dedication to the Mad Madam M’s recent excursion to the great snowy north and the pretty men who come to us from fair Canada.

Mad Madam M: Thought I would start things off with some gorgeous abs…some mouthwatering, awe inspiring Canadian abs…if only I had baby oil…

Crystal: his shorts just need to slide down a little bit more. Just a little.

Mad Madam M: And then there was a closer look. *fans face with hand* I don’t think I have blinked in at least 6 minutes…

Crystal: There’s just something…I don’t know…really special about this moment I’m having right now.

Mad Madam M: Oh, does Ryan have a boo boo? Come here…I can kiss it and make it all better!! Nevermind that you are chained to the floor…

Crystal: He can stay chained to the floor. I can have my wicked way with him and he cannot escape my grasp.

Mad Madam M: He’s George, George, George of the Jungle…I wouldn’t mind exploring his jungle *wink* if you know what I mean. *wink, wink*

Crystal: Watch out for that tree! Do you think he really has a tree he calls his own? *wink*

Mad Madam M: Mounties: one of the hottest exports Canada has to offer and just think…mount is right there in the…

Crystal: Title? Yes. Yes it is. I’m not sure what it says that he’s unable to properly mount.

Mad Madam M: I’m not ashamed to say it…I had a huge crush on Captain Von Trapp all through my childhood. I mean, be honest…he did look pretty dreamy in the suit at the dinner party when he breaks up with the baroness…you know the one I’m thinking of!!! (Click here)

Crystal: The Captain and Maria! He was so a girlhood crush. An asshole brought to his knees. If only he were chained to the floor in that movie.

Mad Madam M: Sutherland…Kiefer Sutherland!

Crystal: A really gay rendition of james Bond! And I even like Kiefer, but he holds his gun like a girl.

Mad Madam M: There is just something about him…so talented…so courageous…and just so handsome!

Crystal: And so serious and thoughtful in this pic.

Mad Madam M: Who didn’t have a crush on Marty McFly?!?!? Or Alex P. Keaton?!?! Or Mike Flaherty?!?! I rest my case!

Crystal: I was with you until Mike Flaherty and then went…who?? What obscure reference is this?

Mad Madam M: Oh Pacey…you made me love you with your glib one-liners! (Shut up! I loved Dawson Creek at times…well not Dawson or the creek…or Joey…or the theme song. Wait a sec, does that mean in addition to Pacey, I only really liked the mother of Heath Ledger’s kid, and Pacey’s gay brother who went on to become Sabrina’s left-at-the-alter fiance over on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, who had the Doctor from Star Trek Voyager playing his dad? Wait…scratch that. I think I have said too much…)

Crystal: Wow. That’s special. I love Pacey too, but…um…you watch a lot of teeny bopper shows, M. I just want to throw that out there.

Mad Madam M: So poor Josh can’t quite pull this one off, but I still like the pic. Sure the leather pants with white t-shirt resemble one of evil Angel’s favorite ensembles, but that doesn’t mean I can’t like it…(click here)

Crystal: He looks a little, fem-trying-too-hard-to-be-badass. And, again, I like Joshua Jackson. He’s hot. But…just…not in this picture.

Mad Madam M: Sure everyone fell in love with him in the Notebook…But I fell in love back in the 90s with a little show called Young Hercules. Wait did I just type that?!?!? Well, at least I didn’t confess to watching Roar…

Crystal: What is he doing to that dog?

Mad Madam M: If eating the fabric is the only way to get the shirt off…I’m game!

Crystal: You want to chew his shirt off? I mean, he’s cute and I’m sure it’s high fiber, but that might be a fetish I can’t get on board with.

Mad Madam M: Back off people! Crystal gets first dibs…

Crystal: YEAH. He’s mine, I tell you. MINE. I may not have seen him first, last, or whatever, but he’s still MY pretty Canadian.

Mad Madam M: Is it just me or does he look a whole lot like Mark Blucas in this pic…not that I am complaining one bit. He can lean and stare as long as he wants…

Crystal: Mark who? Dude, you’re thinking too much. Just enjoy the pretty.

Mad Madam M: Any Due South fans out there in cyberspace? It’s ok…we are all friends here…well at least I am a friend. Besides who couldn’t love a man that has a deaf dog named Diefenbaker?!?! Not that I am I am saying I watched the show…not at all.

Crystal: Ah..a Mountie and his dog. Is there anything cuter than that?

Mad Madam M: I don’t know which is prettier: Paul Gross or the Astin Martin he is sitting in…not that it really matter. I can happily stare at both!

Crystal: The car for sure, but if he’s an accessory I can’t complain. He matches the interior or something.

I sold the third book in the Wereplanets series to Cobblestone Press for release in early June! Yay! Here’s a blurb to tell you what it’s about.

When Lady Katryn’s ambassador father dies, she’s called back to her home world of Harena to join Lord Nadir’s harim. She despairs that she will never find love when she is only one of many wives. Having been raised among weretigers, she knows little about her own weredragon nature. Lord Tarkesh, the man tasked with escorting her to the weredragon capital city, awakens in her heart a fiery passion that leaves them both forever changed from the encounter.

She’s not certain she can ever call this foreign world her home, nothing feels right among her own kind. Every new revelation about the weredragon culture is an unpleasant shock. When she finds that a harim on Harena is not one man with many mates, but a three-way mating, and that Tarkesh is the other man in Nadir’s harim, she feels betrayed by a man she has come to love so quickly. More surprising is the intensity of her reaction to the commanding Nadir. He is a man who demands her heart, and she’s not sure how long she can deny either of them, no matter how she might want to. Will she find a place to belong with her two mates?

I’m blogging over at The Novelty Girls today, but I have a funny story I have to share with you.

So, I was walking into work this morning and one of those pretty, super perky looking chicks was walking in front of me. We both stopped for a moment to sigh and admire the luscious view provided by the Army ROTC boys jogging passed. (Tell me you wouldn’t look. I’m not too old to look at them–just because I might be their instructor an hour later doesn’t mean a thing, right?)

Anyway, pretty chick starts walking, and I’m moseying along behind sipping my chai latte and enjoying my last few moments of freedom before my Monday kicks off. That’s when it hits me, the overwhelming stench of some no doubt very expensive perfume. I’m thinking what the hell?? this chick is about twenty feet ahead of me and I can smell her from here. I mean, jeez. She has the bow-chica-bow-bow body and then if it’s not enough for her to have the backlit, soft focused entrance, you smell her coming a mile off.

My only consolation? She would so never survive in a horror movie. The evil beastie hunting mankind would get her stinky butt first.