Crystal Jordan :: Blog

Mad Madam M: Hump Day Hotties (aka Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts her cakehole! edition) Welcome to this week’s installment of Hump Day Hotties in which I, Mad Madam M, showcase some of my choices for the title of Hot Musical Artists…with little to no input from Crystal I might add! (Hence the title of the entry!) But before we begin, here’s a couple of quick side notes from Crystal: First of all this is by no means meant to be a definitive list of hot musical artists, either past or current. Also, as you peruse the images, remember that Mad Madam M has kind of odd tastes in artists and often it the the music she finds hot or sensual, not the musicians themselves. Just a warning…trust me!

Crystal: Weird taste? Dude, tell me about it. Oy vay.

Mad Madam M: Might as well get used to the imports. Not sure why I find Chris Martin and the other members of Coldplay attractive. Could be that they write on their hands. Could be they write decent music that gets stuck in my head on a regular basis. Could be I just love anything English. You decide!

Crystal: Anglophile. Write that on your hand. Oh, and this: Coldplay is grubby, not hot.

Mad Madam M: I can understand why Crys requested a pic of this hottie, although for the life of me I don’t know how to pronounce is name. Is it Fifty Cent? Or Fiddy Cent? I just don’t know?!?!?

Crystal: Who cares how you say it? Have you ever heard his voice? It makes me want to rip off my clothes and run around with my panties on my head.

Mad Madam M: Sure he has Farrah hair, but the boy is still easy on the eyes. Besides he includes silly hand claps in his songs. That’s love people…that is love!

Crystal: His is pretty. Who cares what his hair looks like. Shoot the stylist, not the singer.

Mad Madam M: Faith Hill is one lucky lady, even if I have no idea what Timmy is doing in this pic. Best not think about it for long periods of time…

Crystal: Ropes and a spread eagle hottie. I can tell you what I’d like him to be doing in this pic.

Mad Madam M: Oh Sufjan…you look so artistically melancholy in this pic. I could stare forever! *loses train of thought and simply stares*

Crystal: If you tilt your head and squint, he kinda looks like Clive Owen. I can totally work with that.

Mad Madam M: Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a pic of a decently clothed Robbie Williams? Well let me tell you, I had to wade through a ton - A TON - of naked Robbie images to find this one…not that I’m complaining!

Crystal: Naked pics of pretty people. You poor girl.

Mad Madam M: Apparently, he’s kind of a douchebag, but if he could seranade me with “Come Pick Me up’ or ‘ Desire’ or pretty much any of his songs, I would promise to love him anyway. Who am I kidding…I’m willing to do that just listening to him on my iPod!

Crystal: He’s kinda skinny and meh for me. Next!

Mad Madam M: Ah…Patrick Park. The O.C. introduced us and I will be forever grateful! Now if only you could do something with your hair. Seriously!

Crystal: Dude, that hair is Not Right.

Mad Madam M: So I really wanted to find a pic of Ok Go from the “Invincible” video. You know the part when they are all in white suites, looking tasty, and I could literally jump every last one of them…even the goofy guy with glasses! You know that part, right?!?!?! (Note: If you have never seen their dancing in the backyard video for “A Million Ways” or the treadmill video for “Here We Go Again” click the links and enjoy! I dare you!!!)

Crystal: They are kinda cute. I don’t know why.

Mad Madam M: Back to the Brits, ladies and gentlemen. Come on…we had a good run of Americans there for a while! (Three in a row!!) I just adore the way Matt Bellamy casually leans against the wall with his black suite and black hair…

Crystal: Is that one dude wearing white sneaker with his suit. Ugh. I hate that.

Mad Madam M: I can’t explain why I love JT, but I do. Not sure quite why he felt the need to bring Sexy Back (Where did it go in the first place anyway?), but I don’t mind staring at his luscious reclining body with his sultry come-on stares, as his hand caresses my…wait did I say that out loud? Excuse me for a moment!
*an elevator rendition of the ‘The Girl from Ipanema’ begins to play*

Crystal: Sexy went where ever he did. So when he came back, it came with him. Duh. And M? Leave the slutty writing to me, at least I don’t embarrass myself into elevator music. But, then…I have no shame. Could be that.

Mad Madam M: Sure he’s kind of a cynic, but he is an Irish cynic that writes hauntingly lyrics songs that are already played to be in bed by my trusty iPod Darcy. However, if the real Damien Rice ever wanted to show up and play them himself…I wouldn’t mind one bit!

Crystal: Someone needs to hit that dude with a razor. Chin pubes are not sexy.

Mad Madam M: He’s just so cute with his cowboy hat and guitar. Sure he’s a bit more country than you average guy, but I am willing to adapt!

Crystal: I love Brad Paisley! *lights lighter and waves it madly*

Mad Madam M: And last but not least, my boys. My musical spouse. Sure I have affairs all the time with other artists, but I always come back to you. You know how much I love you!

Crystal: This the freakiest pic of U2 I have ever seen. There so many sexy shots you could have picked…and you did the Oh, Brother Where Art Thou rendition? On second thought…that’s kinda funny.