Crystal Jordan


WhyGodWhy?
Saturday, June 16th, 2007

Reporting today from the WhyGodWhy? front. This is to tell you that exercise is for masochistic, crazy-insane people.

I’m working out with Persnickety Hooch now four days a week and she says we need to do weight lifting. So, knowing jack about actual exercise because I haven’t done much more than a line dancing class since high school in California. And–though I love me some Cali–don’t get me started on public education in the home state.

Anyway, the point of this whine is that I want to die. We did lower body weight stuff, and my legs feel like they’re charlie-horsing non-stop and I can’t even get up because shooting pain goes straight from my calves to the pain-center-place in my brain. It would be funny if I didn’t tear up every time I tried to stand. (I wish I was kidding–but I’m not)

And since I know you’re reading this PH, and I’m in too much pain to get up and fetch my phone so I can call and curse you and all you forebearers, I’m gonna put it out there: I QUIT. Being in shape is not worth this kind of agony–fat girls need love, too! I can represent! Why do people do this to themselves? It can’t be because it’s fun. It just can’t. I mean it. Charlie-horses are Not Okay.

Seriously. What rat bastid came up with this shit? I blame the Greeks. That whole Olympics thing is all their fault. Damn you, ancient naked athletic types! Though, it’s cool that you were all hot and oiled up and naked. But still…

So that’s the school house rock message for today: Manic exercise is only for masochists. Which I am not.

Kill.Me.Please. *begs*

19 comments to “WhyGodWhy?”

  1. R.G. Alexander
    Comment
    1
      · June 16th, 2007 at 4:46 pm · Link

    Awww. I’m sorry you’re hurting.
    But think of how many more bad spankings you can deliver with all those new muscles. LOL
    It boggles the mind.



  2. Crystal Jordan
    Comment
    2
      · June 16th, 2007 at 4:48 pm · Link

    You are SO gonna get it when I see you in Dallas. Just be prepared. Cookie can’t save you from me. And he might even enjoy watching. :P



  3. R.G. Alexander
    Comment
    3
      · June 16th, 2007 at 4:53 pm · Link

    Uhoh
    {you know I was just kidding right? Working out IS the devil invented by naked oily guys-and you shouldnt do it anymore.}
    You’re not buying it are you? Okay, no high heels for me in Dallas-running shoes all the way.
    LMAO



  4. Crystal Jordan
    Comment
    4
      · June 16th, 2007 at 4:54 pm · Link

    Oh, sure. Take advantage of my crippled state to brag that you can run. I’m calling Feisty to pin you to the floor. AND YOU KNOW SHE WILL.

    And Lori will help. Lori loves me.



  5. Deanna Lee
    Comment
    5
      · June 16th, 2007 at 5:17 pm · Link

    Pain does the body good… right?



  6. Jennifer Bianco
    Comment
    6
      · June 16th, 2007 at 6:40 pm · Link

    LMAO, Crystal, I’m sure some of those oiled up, naked Greeks love us fat girls. ;)



  7. Crystal Jordan
    Comment
    7
      · June 16th, 2007 at 6:54 pm · Link

    Deanna: No, no it does not.

    Jennifer: Well, of course.



  8. Ericka Scott
    Comment
    8
      · June 16th, 2007 at 7:16 pm · Link

    You poor thing! I hate exercise and do it as infrequently as I can…sigh, unfortunately, my butt attests to that fact.



  9. Crystal Jordan
    Comment
    9
      · June 16th, 2007 at 7:35 pm · Link

    Thank you, Ericka! See! Someone understands! SEE!



  10. Loribelle Hunt
    Comment
    10
      · June 16th, 2007 at 8:41 pm · Link

    Lmao! Why are you dragging me into this!? RG, sorry, gotta stick by my girl, Crys. Run, baby run!



  11. Crystal Jordan
    Comment
    11
      · June 16th, 2007 at 8:43 pm · Link

    Hell, yeah! That’s the best news I’ve had all day. And, dude, you have dragged me into so much shit over the past year or so…it was my turn to drag you! Get her! You can totally out run her, you were in the Army.



  12. Lyric James
    Comment
    12
      · June 16th, 2007 at 9:54 pm · Link

    Your pain is exactly why I “walk” to get my exercise. I hate lifting weights and all that other crap.



  13. Jennifer McKenzie
    Comment
    13
      · June 17th, 2007 at 6:03 am · Link

    exercise is evil. EEEEEEEVVVVVVVIIIIIILLLLL.



  14. Crystal Jordan
    Comment
    14
      · June 17th, 2007 at 7:17 am · Link

    Lyric: Word.

    Jen: It so is.



  15. Shelli Stevens
    Comment
    15
      · June 17th, 2007 at 9:52 am · Link

    I love exercise! Sometimes it’s hard getting up. But the pain makes you think…wow I did something to that muscle to make it hurt. It’s growing. You’re doing great, Crystal! Keep it up!

    After awhile it doesn’t hurt, that’s when it gets boring. I missing the days of crawling up the stairs when I get home…dang it, where’s your smilies. I wanna put in a smilie!



  16. Kristen
    Comment
    16
      · June 17th, 2007 at 1:11 pm · Link

    Stop whining and suck it up. It’s good for you. And I have to do it, too, so there.



  17. Yolanda Sfetsos
    Comment
    17
      · June 17th, 2007 at 1:21 pm · Link

    Oh Crystal, it gets better. Honestly, it does.

    I’m with Shelli. I love to exercise. I do hand weights with the hubby and I push him to do it more than he does. Lol. I love the way it hurts, and the way it feels afterward. Also, maybe you could try some yoga. I love yoga. Or just simply going for walks. I love to go for walks. Lol. :D

    Give it another try, don’t stop now that you’ve started.



  18. Crystal Jordan
    Comment
    18
      · June 17th, 2007 at 1:52 pm · Link

    Actually, all. This isn’t a suck it up kinda pain. I’ve pulled a muscle in one leg and strained one in the other. So, looks like I’m not exercising for a while. Enjoy yourselves, masochists!



  19. Grace Tyler
    Comment
    19
      · June 18th, 2007 at 4:16 pm · Link

    I know I already commiserated by IM, but I’m so with you, girl! I only walk to exercise. The rest hurts. I’ve only gotten that endorphin high like twice in my life when it wasn’t caused by sexual exercise, so bite me if you think exercise feels good!

    >>fat girls need love, too! I can represent!

    I LMAO (I wish) when I read this!

    Seriously, I respect athletic type people. But I am not one of them, and I don’t need the pressure.