This Hump Day Hotties is a shout out to my baby cousin (henceforth known as Calamity Jane) who just turned 18 on Tuesday. (Mad Madam M here…I just needed to interject something: Happy 18th Birthday Calamity Jane!!!! I can’t believe you are now legally an adult!! Man, I feel old!! Okay, I’m done…back to Crys!) In honor of her, we’re doing a barely legal edition of HDH. And I have to say that M and I felt really dirty and creepy looking at these pics.
How did we come up with this brilliant idea? Well, it went something like this:
Me: You know Calamity Jane reads my blog sometimes.
M: What? She’s way too young to read the stuff we write about. Especially the stuff you write on your blog when I’m not here to supervise you.
Me: Whatever. She’ll be 18 this week.
M: Well, that is just freaky and wrong and I refuse to think about it. I mean, I knew her when she was…well, I don’t know how old but she was short and skinny.
Me: Yeah, and now she’s got a rack that boys stare at. She was 11 when you met her, by the way.
M: Like I said, freeeeaaaaaaaky!
Me: We should celebrate by doing a hump day hotties post in her honor.
M: Who would we put on it?
Me: I don’t know…guys her age. She’s not allowed to look at the over 21 crowd. They’re a bad influence.
M: Which guys are her age?
*long pause*
Me: Um…
M: Yeah…
Me: The Harry Potter Boys?
M: Oh and my inappropriate teenage crush from Hairspray?
*extremely long pause*
Me: There has to be more than that.
M: Does there?
Me: Shit if I know.
M: We’re screwed.
Me: But not by them, they’re in kindergarten still.
M: Thank you so much for that mental image while you force me to go look for overage pictures of these guys. Sometimes I really do hate you.
Me: You’re welcome!
Mad Madam M: Up first…my inappropriate crush wearing a wife beater. As you might already know, I have a soft spot for boys in wife beaters…
Crystal: Well, he has pretty eyes. And I think I might see a boogie in his nose. What? He has it all pointed up and everything!
Mad Madam M: In this picture, Shia looks remarkably like my 19 year old cousin. Excuse me while I attempt to bleach my eyes balls so I can continue with limited traumatic memories that will lead to psychiatric harm. *whimpers*
Crystal: Wasn’t he in The Greatest Game Ever Played? I loved that movie! It was so cute!
Mad Madam M: Never saw Narnia since I didn’t want to ruin the memories of my mom reading the books to me as a child, but I would be willing to watch Will in another film. He’s kind of a cutie! (Oh god I feel old and dirty…must not drink before noon…must not drink before noon!)
Crystal: He was super cute in the movie! Young, but, you know, cute. *sings* I feel icky, oh so icky
Mad Madam M: Ah quite the dashing Englishman. Too bad the film version of Eragon turned out so badly. We might not be seeing Edmund Speleers for awhile and that is a shame. Just look at him!
Crystal: Wow, I thought it was just the older ones, but apparently Englishmen in all age ranges look a little gay.
Mad Madam M: Cute and he has a great name in Sky High: Warren Peace! I mean, with those looks, Steven Strait may have steered a whole new generation toward Tolstoy’s classic tale of Russian society during the Napoleonic era. Ok…maybe not, but you never know!
Crystal: Oh, look. It’s my inappropriate teenage crush. It’s not my fault. He’s in a band and he had superpowers!
Mad Madam M: Little Harry’s all grow’d up. *wink wink* (Did I just say that? Man I am I going to need some expensive therapy after this HDH. Damn you, Crys!)
Crystal: It’s Calamity Jane’s fault. Damn her for coming of age.
Mad Madam M: I think he may have some of the dreamiest lips I have ever seen,with the notable exception of Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords who is thankfully 7 years older than me!
Crystal: Okay I feel old even asking, but who is this guy?
Mad Madam M: If this wasn’t enough and you want to be further horrified, feel free to click this link. WARNING…it’s not safe for work! And don’t say I didn’t warn you! Meanwhile, I know my boss has whiskey in his office. *goes looking for hard liquor in order to continue commenting*
Crystal: Man, I feel old and dirty for even looking at any of these nekked pics of Harry Freakin’ Potter. Not right. Just…not right. Damn you, Calamity Jane! You’re lucky I love you.
Mad Madam M: This boy is going places. I couldn’t take my eyes off him whenever he appeared on screen in Hairspray. Man can the boy dance and sing!
Crystal: He really did a great job in that movie! I’d like to see what he does with regular (non musical) acting.
Mad Madam M: Narnia meets Harry and I am left with a nauseating feeling. Don’t get me wrong, it is a cute picture, they just look so young. Remind me again why we are doing this post!?!?! *downs another shot of Jameson* Oh right…here’s to you Calamity Jane! *waves enthusiastically at the computer screen*
Crystal: What are they doing in this pic? Just standing there? And is Ron wearing glasses?
Mad Madam M:
Dear Daniel Radcliffe,
I know you are now of age, but could you please continue to wear a shirt and not show off your chiseled abs/muscley biceps so much? Normally people exclaim “think of the children” in order to raise awareness of some inappropriate song/film/picture/ect and thus leading to a solution that allows for the continued innocence of our youth. However, in your case, I must submit “think of the women who will end up feeling dirty/lecherous/old after seeing your muscles in this picture and remembering how only a couple of years ago, you were a precocious little wizard with cute pudgy little cheeks”. (Special sarcastic “Thanks a LOT” to the new HP movie that includes flashbacks to the first movie for taking some joy out of the viewing.) Please, I implore you, just give us a couple of years to get used to the fact that you are all grown up. At the moment, between my car, students loans, and ever-growing multimedia collections, I just can’t afford therapy bills.
Appreciatively Yours,
Mad Madam M
Crystal: Word.
Mad Madam M: I love shoes and I will leave it at that!
Crystal: Hey! He can juggle. Look at that. *feels old and dirty for even viewing this pic*
Mad Madam M: See previous comment concerning boys in wife beaters!
Crystal: That is a very nice wife beater. And a very nice smile. I have no further comments on this matter.
Mad Madam M: My love for Ron has only grown over the years and I think a little bit of that is because of Rupert. The boy makes me laugh every time!
Crystal: I like red heads. It’s just a good color.
Mad Madam M: You definitely are the “Ladies Choice”! (Oh man…where did I put that whiskey? Must dull my awareness and save my mind from further damage!)
Crystal: More of M’s inappropriate teenage crush from Hairspray.
Mad Madam M: Thank goodness…with the longer hair he no longer looks like my cousin. Unfortunately, now I find him attractive. I may have to see that Transformer’s flick DolphinSue keeps telling me to go and see!
Crystal: I assume DolphinSue is some friend you’re cheating on me with. Hussy.
Mad Madam M: Not only can the boy sing and dance, but he has the greatest hair! Oh and please don’t point out the fact that 2 boys up from High School Musical have appeared in this post. I have spent years blocking out the truth…the fact that I love that silly Disney film. So please think of my mental health and remember I am holding onto a thread here! *tries to regain self-respect but failing to do so…finishes off the bottle of Jameson whiskey*
Crystal: Thank God it’s over. Happy birthday, Calamity Jane!
Okay the naked ass picture of the harry potter kid totally freaked me out. Isn’t he 12? He’ll ALWAYS be 12.
They’re all babies. Damn I feel old too!
by Dana August 1st, 2007 at 7:31 amI know exactly what you mean.
by Crystal Jordan August 1st, 2007 at 7:32 amHAPPY BIRTHDAY Calamity Jane!
by Dana August 1st, 2007 at 7:33 amYAY You’re LEGAL!
Yay! Happy b-day!
by Crystal Jordan August 1st, 2007 at 7:35 amCan I just say, I don’t feel dirty at all…I love me some Ron and Harry…and Nekkid Harry???Yummy.
Go ahead, judge me. I can take it.
by Mel August 1st, 2007 at 7:39 amWho has the balls to judge you, Mel? No one I know.
by Crystal Jordan August 1st, 2007 at 7:42 amNow I feel old and dirty too. Thank you! But despite feeling old and dirty, I couldn’t look away, lol.
Happy birthday to Calamity Jane!
by Pamela Tyner August 1st, 2007 at 7:56 amOh, too funny. I don’t have a clue who half of these guys are. That’s what makes me feel old! Happy Birthday Calamity Jane!
by Jennah Sharpe August 1st, 2007 at 8:11 amExcept for a couple, I don’t see the hotness, which means I am old or just very picky.
by Jennifer Bianco August 1st, 2007 at 8:25 amHappy Birthday Calamity Jane!!!
Happy Birthday Calamity!
by R.G. Alexander August 1st, 2007 at 8:29 amI was totally thrown when I saw how grown Rupert and Daniel were. I have a serious crush on Rupert. I cant help it. And another growing crush on Daniel’s abs.
Sure I feel a little dirty. But As an older person-I kind of felt the same way when Anthony Michael Hall went from nerdy pest to beefcake. I mean, who saw that coming?
Pamela: I know exactly what you mean.
Jennah: I didn’t know either!
Jennifer: Go with picky. We’re not old. We’re NOT.
R.G.: You are dirty! Ron is a baby!
by Crystal Jordan August 1st, 2007 at 8:37 amThey are way too young to be thinking sexy about them. It’s like a train wreck, you can’t look away, but you don’t want to look.
by Sara Thacker August 1st, 2007 at 8:45 amSo true.
by Crystal Jordan August 1st, 2007 at 8:46 amSweetie, where is your Mrs. Robbinson vibe. Now I have to say the only pic that got me as “hot” is the one of DR from Equus. But how many centuries have “old men” enjoyed the deliciousness of young women. I’m pretty sure that most boys find “Dad’s” Playboy. I think it’s perfectly fine to appreciate a young buck or two.
Happy B-day C. J.
by Jass August 1st, 2007 at 8:46 amOh my. I’m sure somewhere far back in my memories, these kids might have appealed to me. Now all I get is that vague creepy feeling. : ) God, I’m old.
Anyway, Happy Birthday C.J.!
by Grace Draven August 1st, 2007 at 8:58 amApparently I don’t think of myself as old, AND I watch a lot of the Disney channel, cause I recognized by face (I am bad with names)almost everyone. Many of them are cute, but I won’t say HOT. As for old HP, if ya like em stringy I guess he will do, LOL.
Thanks for bringing us on the old lady perv train with you and Happy Birthday Calamity Jane!!!!
by Christina Cross August 1st, 2007 at 9:37 amMY EYES, MY EYES! *sigh* I am old…
by Toni Sue August 1st, 2007 at 1:39 pmOh, man. I’m not going to be able to look at Harry Potter in quite the same way. I have to agree with RG, though. I’ve always thought Rupert is cute.
Happy birthday, Calamity Jane ;)
by Shelley Munro August 1st, 2007 at 1:41 pmWOW! I just blogged about the oddly large number of 20 somethings that hit on me now that I’m single. I have to admit, the picture with the horse was very hot! I heard he was in that play but I hadn’t checked it out. Fabulous picture!!
by Samantha Lucas August 1st, 2007 at 1:44 pmOk, I came over here to see what you were icking about and now I need a shower (to wash said ick off) and I need to get back to feeling my normal age (feels about 80 right now). Oh gawds those guys look so young, *does hee-bee-jeevee dance*.
by Haven Rich August 1st, 2007 at 2:23 pmHappy Birthday Calamity Jane.
by Jennifer McKenzie August 1st, 2007 at 2:33 pmHOWEVER, Crystal this is just WRONG. I can’t get the vision of Harry Potter with muscles out of my brain.
I too feel dirty.
Ewwwwwwwwww.
Like I wasn’t feeling my age already today. Thanks a lot. *rolls eyes*
I wanna see pictures of Van Diesel. He makes me feel a little younger.
*grumbling almost forty year old*
Oh, and I loved the movie “Eragon” though that was probably because I never read the book.
by Jennifer McKenzie August 1st, 2007 at 2:35 pmNot reading the book helps a lot I think.
I also loved “Chronicles Of Narnia”. And I read that one. Several times.
Happy Birthday Calamity Jane! Thanks to you, I now know the Potter boy has a great bum! And I’m too far gone into Perv-ville to even be ashamed of myself. Which is why your cousin Crystal blames her current state of depravity on me. All I’m sayin’ is, the seed had obviously already been sown-and is now being carried through the generations…
by Eden Bradley August 1st, 2007 at 3:59 pmDude! Do not attempt to corrupt my sweet baby cousin. Calamity Jane doesn’t need your pervy influence. Bad Eden! Bad! *spanks*
by Crystal Jordan August 1st, 2007 at 4:04 pmHmmm. is it sad that I keep coming back for a peek? I must be as dirty as Eden…okay, maybe not quite that dirty…
by Mel August 2nd, 2007 at 7:41 am