Crystal Jordan :: Blog

This week is dedicated to the bold and the beautiful stars of soap operas…well, the General Hospital stars anyway. Whatever, on with the pretty.

Mad Madam M: Pretty…sweaty…glorious…abs! (Note: Avoid looking directly at the hair. Could possibly cause irreparable harm.) *adjusts gaze back onto abs and melts into a puddle in chair*

Crystal: I bet he got jumped in the shower a lot by other boys. I’m just sayin’

Mad Madam M: Sure he is more ‘cute’ than ‘hot’, but The Jackal will NOT be denied! He is truly the assassin of cyberspace.

Crystal: I thought we already did the HDH on barely legal boys. Stop the madness!

Mad Madam M: And did I mention he has an accent?

Crystal: And very, very pretty…eyes.

Mad Madam M: No clue what is going on in this pic…I’m too distracted by the tribal biceps of hotness!

Crystal: See the sticks, M? He wants to spank you. You know you like it.

Mad Madam M: Remember what I keep saying about leaning. I will keep on saying it until I have convinced the world…or I get bored and find a new quest to enlighten the world.

Crystal: Rock on, twisted sister.

Mad Madam M: I have never cared for skinny tie, but I might have to change my policy…however only after ripping off the shirt myself!

Crystal: Yeah, I’m not loving the look either. He should be more naked…see several pics above for examples of proper dress code.

Mad Madam M: See…he even left a space for me! How utterly thoughtful!

Crystal: Man, I could say some naughty, naughty things here, but I’m trying really hard to keep it PG-13. Damn it.

Mad Madam M: Sure, he’s an evil bastard, but still…what is a soap without one? Nowhere my friends. Nowhere!

Crystal: Sometimes you need a bad, bad man. What can I say?

Mad Madam M: Ok…scruffy stubble may not be the best look. However, do take a moment to check out the awesome abs! It is well worth your gaze!

Crystal: Abs are nice, But…why are his panties sticking out. And why to they look suspiciously like the tighty whitey variety. That is just not right.

Mad Madam M: Hello Ambercrombie! (One must never forget that most soap hotties really only have experience in modeling…not necessarily action. But hey if I want to see good theatre I can watch something produced by the BBC!!)

Crystal: Soaps do have a special gift for pretty people who can’t act.

Mad Madam M:
Dear scruffy Patrick,
You might want to try this look more often. I mean, from this pic alone, I might have to add scruffy to the “…is sexy” list. However, I wouldn’t want to rush anything or put undue pressure on your specialized grooming. Therefore, I must conclude that further analysis is required. As a man of science, I know you will see the wisdom in this approach. I would be willing to donate my time. Just let me know!
Adoringly Yours,
Mad Madam M

Crystal: *giggles*

Mad Madam M: Not sure what he is staring at, but I know what I am fixated on!!

Crystal: He looks either bored or constipated, I can’t decide which.

Mad Madam M: Pretty boys can be sexy. Besides he has pretty good hair for a soap star.

Crystal: *whispers* Man nipple.

Mad Madam M: Suits really do make the man. Although…wouldn’t mind seeing him out of it! *wink, wink*

Crystal: Nice pinstripe. I’m totally staring at the…pinstripe. I swear.

Mad Madam M: Hey, the early 90’s weren’t kind to anyone. The boy is still hot despite that fact!! *blows kisses*

Crystal: Well, that answers the question of whether or not pretty, muscley soap stars practice fake tanning. Hello, orange tinge.