Crystal Jordan :: Blog

Hey all!

I’m over at the Aphrodisia Author’s blog today.

Come visit me!

I mentioned this week was going to be insane, right? Right? I had no idea how insane until the other night.

We have a new neighbor in my building. Normally, that’s no biggie, but you have to remember there are only 4 apartments in my building because it’s an old converted Victorian. So, getting a new neighbor is an event. I met the girl in the laundry room. Nice enough, has a cute dog and boyfriend, about 20 years old–which is crazy young compared to the rest of the building, so I’m gonna go ahead and assume daddy’s paying for her room and board.

Her hell hound HOWLED for HOURS the other night. Starting at 11pm, which is bedtime for all but the most dedicated of night owls. The whole house was up going what.the.fuck?? The Canadian contingent came out of her apartment at the same time I did, fire shooting out of her eyeballs. She banged on the chick’s door so hard so bruised her knuckles.

No answer.

I return to my apartment and suffer as the hell hound continues to HOWL. And we’re not talking a pained sound. That’s a whole different kind of noise (my mom’s a dawg breeder, I know these things). This was an endless HOWL. I eventually get so desperate, I find the old packet of earplugs I bought for rock concerts and drag races–yes, I’ve been to both. I stuff a pair in my ears.

And I can still hear the Hell Hound HOWL.

I won’t repeat the kind of language I used at that point. Mind you, I’d been on my feet teaching for 8 hours straight. I hurt. I had no voice left. I was exhausted enough to cry. And there was a damn hell hound determined to wake the whole building. His HOWL echoed through the ventilation ducts in the building.

Finally, I put on some soothing classical music, cracked it up loud, and put the headphone on OVER the earplugs. I could still hear the Hell Hound, but not so much that it kept me awake.

The Canadian knocked on my door the next day after I got home from still more teaching, told me she’d talked to the new neighbor when she strolled in at 2am, and the girl didn’t say she was sorry and didn’t believe her about the Hell Hound HOWL.

Man, all the neighbors and I had a pow-wow about it. Lemme tell ya, it was all I could do to convince the Canadian not to send a tar-and-feathering party. I thought the Canadians were the nice ones. Dayna’s nice. Aren’t all Canadians peace loving? they have fewer wars than the US–but I digress. So, with the help of my other neighbor lady, we successfully restrained the Canadian. I sent a very polite email to the landlady to let her know. I hope it doesn’t happen again, but I’d rather not have the time I go apeshit on her to be the first she’s heard of it. I got back an immediate response that she’d take care of it. I’m pretty sure that means the Canadian called and did go apeshit crazy on her. Eh. Stupid little 20 year old deserved it. S’what you get for having no manners.

Down with Hell Hounds!

All She Needs, the sequel to All She Wants for Christmas, releases today as part of the Wild Rose Press’ Celtic Brooch series.

Here’s what it’s about:

If ever Jen Campbell needed a magic charm, today is the day. Lucky for her, fate lands exactly what she needs on her door step.

When her best friends, Emma and Paul, ask her to be their son’s godmother, she’s happy to agree. Until she finds Paul’s brother is the godfather. Kevin Miller, the only man she’s ever loved, and the only man she can never have. Their brief relationship ended in disaster, but one look is enough to convince Jen she’ll never be over him. Can she resist the Kevin who says he’s confronted the demons in his past and is determined to pick up where they left off–right in the middle of a hallway during a huge party, guests be damned? More importantly, can she trust that a man as stubborn as Kevin can truly change and be all that she needs?

Book page: here.

And check it out, I made a puzzle of the cover. How fast can you put it together?

Today’s tribute is to boys with drawls. Yum. They either have a drawl naturally…or they were in a western at one point in which they sported a drawl. Hey, any excuse for cute, right?

Mad Madam M: Love Christian, his drawl and his truck, but the hair HAS to change. That or he could take his shirt off. Either one…his choice!

Crystal: I’m voting for the no shirt. It would distract me sufficiently from any other issues that might exist.

Mad Madam M: *laughing hysterically* I love Jensen – and I believe my adoration of wife-beaters is well documented – but that can’t save this image. I don’t think anything can… *begins snickering again*

Crystal: Oh. Wow. *snicker*

Mad Madam M: And now the return of “Bad Puns with M!”: I wouldn’t mind a roll in that hay! *wink wink*

Crystal: I’m rolling my eyes at you right now. I can’t believe you went there.

Mad Madam M: Oh how I love boys leaning in doorways. Especially hot ones with cute smiles!

Crystal: There’s something about leaning, I’m telling you. I like leaning. I think they even talked about the power of leaning in that Sandra Bullock movie, While You Were Sleeping. And, yeah, I love that movie. Shut up, M. Quit laughing!

Mad Madam M: Cute Puppies: Now somehow making Matt cuter!

Crystal: Puppies are cute! I love them. Why wouldn’t they make any hottie…hotter?

Mad Madam M: This image is artistic and kinda sexy. Sometimes you really do get more than you bargain for!

Crystal: Amen.

Mad Madam M: Aren’t you glad I didn’t leave my bad pun for this pic? Those are some pretty big boots and I’m sure I would let him keep them on! *cue canned laughter*

Crystal: *eyeroll*

Mad Madam M: Remember to go and see 3:10 to Yuma. It is a spectacular western that works on several different levels. Now back to your regularly scheduled staring/drooling.

Crystal: Jeez! I’ll go see it! I said I would go see it! Why doesn’t anyone believe me about these things?

Mad Madam M: Scary realization: Even with the lavender shirt, Matt Damon is still less campy than that Jensen pic.

Crystal: So true. And Matt Damon…mmmm.

Mad Madam M: Much to my horror, I find that more and more I am jealous of inanimate objects. Damn you Kripke!

Crystal: That’s a nice…hat.

So, the weather has been getting cooler here in Utah since the first of September. It’s as if September hit and the weather said, okay, summer’s over! Thanks for coming!

As a native Californian, this is a shock to me. Yeah, I get that it snows here and not where I’m from. I get that I’m in the mountains, but dang! I got dressed and stepped outside this morning, went “Holy crap, it’s cold!” and ran back inside for a sweater. This made me a leetle late for the forty million classes I’m teaching today. Another seventy million will be coming the rest of the week. (Can you feel the sarcasm emanating from my words here? Eeeeeexcellent. My evil plot to make the world a more facetious place is working.)

Anywho, if I’m distracted or just not here this week, you have been warned. My writing is going to suffer this week, I just know it. *whine, rant, moan*

I’m over at The Novelty Girls blog today. Click the link, you know you want to. C’mon. Do it. Dooo eeet.

Link of DOOM.

This week’s quiz. Take it. Take it and LIKE it.

You Are: 50% Dog, 50% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog. You’re playful but not too needy. And you’re friendly but careful. And while you have your moody moments, you’re too happy to stay upset for long.

Last night my guilty pleasure premiered on the CW. That’s right, America’s Next Top Model. I’m not certain if it’s watching skinny people cat fight or watching pretty people take pretty pictures. Or maybe it the hosts getting cat fighty and bitchy. Doesn’t matter, I like the show.

Special note on this episode is that one of the models gave Tyra a simulated Brazilian wax. Yup, she grabbed her butt and pried those cheeks apart to make it happen. Creeeepy. Though no doubt exciting to the straight male viewers.

I know Lillian Feisty and Eden Bradley’s guilty pleasure is Rock of Love. I have no idea what it’s about, but I’m betting it’s a bad reality show. I kind of doubting it’s Feisty’s guilty pleasure as I doubt Her Royal Shameless is capable of guilt.

It’s amazing what we like and don’t tell people about. Though I just did so *shrug*

If you haven’t heard yet, beloved fantasy writer Robert Jordan passed away on Sunday, September 16th.

M was a huge fan of his Wheel of Time series, and I loved his Conan books. He’s even where I got my pen name, Jordan.

So, we’re canceling Hump Day Hotties this week and asking that you take a moment of a silence to remember the work of an amazing writer that touched both M and me. Thank you.

“May you shelter in the palm of the Creator’s hand, and may the last embrace of the mother welcome you home.”

~Robert Jordan

A friend of mine has PF and I promised to blog about this for her.

September 22nd through the 29th is National Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis Awareness Week. Pulmonary Fibrosis is a debilitating disease marked by progressive scarring of the lungs that gradually interferes with a person’s ability to breathe. There is no cure, and currently there is NO FDA approved treatment. The disease is fatal, within 5 to 7 years of diagnosis. Approximately 128,000 people in the United States have IPF, and an estimated 48,000 new cases develop each year. You can learn more about PF at The Coalition for Pulmonary Fibrosis’ website.

The Coalition for PF takes donations via check, credit card, even PayPal. You can donate by clicking the link below: