Dear Sir or Madam Asshat,
I would like to point out that it was 19 degrees outside this morning when you decided it was a good time to empty an entire university library into the great outdoors.
I’ll let you pause for a moment and consider the ramifications of such a mistake.
Not getting it? Well, then. By all means, let me explain. There were at least 100 students, faculty and staff members–not to mention the beleaguered librarians–who had to stand huddling out in the frigid weather. Might I remind you that we had a snow storm yesterday and there was a lot of slush and ice on the ground for all of those people to slip and fall on. Which several of them did. You, dear sir or madam, are a lawsuit waiting to happen.
And might I also state that it was me, the lowly librarian, who had to deal with the whining, bitching, moaning, and general pissed off-ed-ness of our lovely patrons this morning. Sadly, I was unable to have your back in that little schufuffle because I wholeheartedly agreed with them that you deserved to be kicked around in aforementioned slushy snow and ice…naked.
There is, in fact, a special place in Hell for people just like you. I’m sure the Devil himself will take care of you in term of your whips, chains, and anal probing with a vibrating, spiked butt-plug. You and I both know this morning’s incident is simply your cry for help in getting these needs met. Fate will take care of you in that regard, I have no doubt.
Until such time as that fickle wench Fate decides you need to shuffle off your mortal coil and meet Old Scratch, you can stop by my office and I’d be happy to beat some sense into you. I know you’ll enjoy it as much as I will.
Respectfully Yours,
Crystal
“working from home” or…stay-at-home-momming…means no fire drills in crappy-ass weather. It’s not the only perk, but it’s a good one…
by dayna January 29th, 2008 at 8:29 amSure, rub it in. Thanks a bunch. :P
by Crystal Jordan January 29th, 2008 at 8:30 amThat sounds awful. Sorry it had to happen at all, but if it’s anything like working in the hospital, they had to have scheduled drills at least once a month and if they didn’t, the licensing commision would get them. Sounds like someone looked at the calendar and not the weather report and said “It’s the end of the month. We better fit that fire drill in…”
Hopefully there won’t be any more of them for the year for you.
Hope you have warmed up by now.
Hugs!
by Missy January 29th, 2008 at 8:42 am~Missy
Nope, they only have to do it once a semester. I’m thinking they could have waited until, I don’t know, Spring??
by Crystal Jordan January 29th, 2008 at 8:43 amYou need to use it in a book.
by gwen hayes January 29th, 2008 at 9:22 amSounds like something a demonic villain would do just for kicks….let your heroine vanquish him.
That would be a villain who HAD to die in the end. There’s no arrest or jail evil enough for him.
by Crystal Jordan January 29th, 2008 at 9:24 amLMAO! I’m sorry I know it sucks but that was a great letter.
by R.G. Alexander January 29th, 2008 at 10:16 amI have to second Dayna *ducking snowball*
Stay warm-and if you want I can make a fire drill villain voodo doll-and put it in my freezer.
Voodoo doll. Now there’s a thought. ;)
by Crystal Jordan January 29th, 2008 at 10:18 amI’m sorry that seriously blows. Of course if you lived in Southern California…
by Dana January 29th, 2008 at 10:22 am:P
by Crystal Jordan January 29th, 2008 at 10:23 amI really love the voodoo doll in the freezer idea. It’s pure genius, R.G.
by Jennifer Bianco January 29th, 2008 at 10:41 amCrystal, too bad the asshat can’t actually see this letter. It is so great, LOL. And again, so sorry you had to get icy.
It’s probably best for all concerned that the asshat can’t see this letter. LOL.
by Crystal Jordan January 29th, 2008 at 12:16 pmBetter 19 above than 19 below! *WEG*
Seriously, I can empathize as we once had a dorm alarm go off at 2am - no sooner had we all filed outside when it began to pour. NOT fun! But at least people know what’s expected in the event of a real fire. We’ve had too many fires in our area of late not to take an alarm seriously.
by Heather January 29th, 2008 at 1:26 pmI have to take it seriously, even if I know it’s a drill. And herd patrons out into the cold with me. They love me soooo much when I do that.
by Crystal Jordan January 29th, 2008 at 1:27 pmI could barely get past Dear Sir or Madam Asshat, I kept laughing so much.
by Karen Erickson January 29th, 2008 at 2:47 pm