June 26th, 2008
So, I thought I’d take a moment to reflect upon the weirdness that is my current home state. Not that my original home state of California is not the capital of Weirdlandia, but Utah has some of its own weird quirks that I’m not sure I’d experience anywhere else.
Such as:
- “Are you Mormon?” used as a pick-up line.
- Going into a university library bathroom and hearing the woman in the next stall belting out “Jesus Loves The Little Children.”
- Dealing with a whole city laid out on a grid system which has it’s epicenter at the Mormon Temple. Everything is north, south, east, or west of the Temple.
- Having addresses given to you as coordinates. “295 S 1500 E” is a legit address here.
- Realizing that 1500 E is going to actually be said “15th East.”
- Realizing that there really is a 15th that is not 1500, though they’re said the same way.
- Having people assure you over and over again that once you got used to the grid system, you’d love it. And then having them look at you like you’re insane when you never do love it.
- Finding out that every single way of not saying the word “God” has been invented and used in this state: golly, jeez, gosh, gorsh, geesh, etc.
- Driving by a billboard that advertised “modest swimwear for mother and daughter.”
- Driving by a billboard five minutes later that said homes had been built and equipped with laundry facilities to easily handle eight children. Is it really that normal here? What happened to 2.5? It seemed like a lot to me, let alone enough to start your own football team
- Walking by a janitor at the library every day who feels free to announce loudly to anyone who will listen that I have a beautiful smile that lights up the whole world and makes his day. It was sweet and kind of funny for the first few months. I’m two years into the land of weird now. It’s lost it’s novelty.
Needless to say, this is a week where I’m really feeling the “You’re not from around here, are you?” vibe. 
My memories of Utah and Salt Lake City are from a few years ago now, but I remember the heat, and we camped out near a salt lake. There were flies everywhere! It wasn’t one of my favorite camping experiences!!
by Shelley Munro June 26th, 2008 at 5:35 pmI haven’t tried camping here, but I’m more of the cabin wilderness type girl. Four walls, a roof, and running water, thanks!
by Crystal Jordan June 26th, 2008 at 5:37 pm:shock: I have to admit that I don’t understand the Mormon lifestyle. Does. Not. Compute.
But you do have a fabulous smile. Just sayin’.
My idea of camping is not having room service. I don’t do bugs or outdoors or “roughing it”. Don’t even try, cuz I’ve been there, done that, and it wasn’t pretty. If I don’t have my own bathroom things get ugly. Port-a-potty’s give me the creeps!
by Shari Straight June 26th, 2008 at 10:28 pmPort o potties make me throw up in my mouth a little. I can cowgirl up and use them, but I refuse to think it’s an acceptable alternative to indoor plumbing.
by Crystal Jordan June 27th, 2008 at 5:27 amLOL! You are a brave, brave woman. I could never live there or places like it. *shudders*
by Jennifer Bianco June 28th, 2008 at 11:33 amOf course, the janitor is correct. ;)
Well, Crystal, you know the conspiracy theorists say that the southwest is full of aliens. LOL.
Maybe you should start your own support group for the non-natives. The “Were Not From Around Here” group.
I’ve never heard of people using coordinates as an address. Of course, where I work, people call in to request materials to be sent to them and I’ve gotten some strange addresses that sound pretty similar to this…
by Vivienne Westlake June 29th, 2008 at 10:16 amHey Crystal,
I know I’m a bit late chiming in but your list is hilarious, especially the “modest swimwear for mother and daughter” line. Plus, a washing machine for 8 children? Umm. More power to anyone who can handle that many, but it’s definitely not me.
I am SO getting jealous over the whole emoticon plug-in.
by Michelle Lauren July 14th, 2008 at 6:57 pmIsn’t it awesome? I love my smilies!
by Crystal Jordan July 14th, 2008 at 7:37 pm