Dear Parking Enforcement Officer,

While I realize that you were just doing your job this morning directing traffic on the first week of school, and you were doing so inside the parking garage because apparently licensed drivers in the state of California are too dimwitted to know how a parking garage works, but I digress.

Where was I? Oh, yes, directing traffic inside the parking garage. I have to say, sir, that I am more than a little irritated that you stood in front of the ramp to the second floor and forced me to park on the first floor. While I understand that I arrive early and the first floor is never full when I get there, I arrive early for just this reason. When I am early I get to pick where I park and am not forced to park in just any space that happens to be available. There are, in fact, reasons that I don’t park on the first floor, such as, in that particular garage, the way you have the first floor arranged is almost guaranteed to bottleneck traffic, make people mad, and cause accidents.

Thus I park in a very specific area of the second floor. Not the same space every day, of course–I’m not that OCD–but in the area that is the easiest to get out of and the least likely to get me stuck behind some minivan trying to stuff itself in a compact space.

So, I am annoyed with you and with other drivers that made it necessary for you to be in my parking garage this morning and disrupt my perfectly planned and normally well-timed parking experience.

Also, because I had to jockey for a space with the fifty other cars you forced to park on the first floor, you made me late for work.

Fuck you very much,
Crystal