I hate when this happens.

I’m working on a project, a perfectly good, inspiring, fun project and some random idea comes to insinuate itself into my brain. I know it has to go on the backburner. I have at least managed to train myself not to take on 60 projects at once, but still it nags at me, always there trying to tempt me away from the project I’m working on. I’m plowing through Every Witch Way and this alternate universe idea hits me. And the hero is hot. Not that I ever write a hero that isn’t, but this one is the big quiet type. Mmmm-hmmm.

Enough of that. I have discovered (thanks to a pic on Gena Showalter’s site) a new cache of awesome pictures. Today I’ll showcase a spoof on Precious Moments, those cutesy kiddie cartoons. These are called Semi-Precious Moments. Had to show you, couldn’t resist.

I promised I would make another top five list for why you should buy my Samba story Finding Paradise from Phaze at the end of July. However, I decided to add a little twist.

Reasons not to Samba while drunk:

1. Because you’ll never be as cute as Brangelina in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. You just won’t. They get paid to be pretty.
2. Because the only form of dance conducive to drunkness includes nudity and a pole.
3. Coordination is not your friend. Neither is Jose, Jack or Jim.
4. No one wants to see you Samba. No one. Those who do are even more drunk than you are and that never ends well.
5. Because working a computer and buying my Samba, Finding Paradise, may be beyond the meager abilities of your drunken mind. And that’s bad.

I. Am. So. Tired.

I cannot think of anything witty or clever to say today because my brain is all fried and mushy from too many late nights doing grunt work at play practice. So, I think I’ll bitch about the “issues” of this play. First, the people are wonderful. Polite. Kind. Grateful for the help I provide. So, pretty much, this is a good experience overall. But, the low-budget production has created some mishaps and outrageous funkiness for this production of “Little Shop of Horrors.” And there are some horrors, believe me.

1. In helping with costumes, I’ve seen more breasts than a gang-bang porn video. If I were into girls, this might be cool. As it is, I’m like “Uh, don’t mind me while I fondle you to squish you into this too-small-horrific-1980s-prom-dress-that-the-seamstress-messed-up.”
2. The medium size plant looks like a big black vagina and it opens to reveal an old man actor inside.
3. Not enough technical support, so when I’m supposed to be helping with costumes, I’m also supposed to be doing a set change. We open today and have not worked out this problem.
4. The large plant looks like a 9 foot, hard, black cock. Also with a man inside. Someone tried to get creative and show slashes of the plant’s purple cloth interior throughout the black exterior, and then put bits of hot glue all over it so it looks sparkly under the lights. Unfortunately, this just makes it look like a huge, veined cock that came all over itself. (Freud would have a field day with the symbology we’re throwing around here)
5. The large plant is supposed to eat three people, but the plant doesn’t work the way we were promised, so they have to do a wallowing bellyflop to get in and be eaten. Then, when we retrieve them from the plant, not only can you easily and obviously see the tech people helping, but it looks like the plant is pooping out the “dead” people.

So, not only am I suffering from severe sleep deprivation, but this play is making my brain hurt. Ah, well. At least it’ll all be over with on Saturday!

This past weekend I was introduced to the new Pride and Prejudice. I meant to see it in the theater, I really did, but the guy friend I went with decided at the last minute he wasn’t in the mood for a historical chick flick (which made me want to brain said guy). Mad Madam M insisted I go rent it. I tried, but since Blockbuster has no late fees, there’s no telling when any of the 8 copies will be back in. So, I ran over to WalMart and bought it.

I LOVED IT!!!

A few things I loved:

1. Mr. Darcy wet
2. Mr. Bingley’s strange rooster-like, finger-in-light-socket hair
3. That Jane really was prettier (or at least as pretty) as Elizabeth because usually they just say she’s the prettiest sister when they’ve hired the most gorgeous actress around to play Lizzie.
4. Judy Dench’s hair. Swoosh! What was that? And she totally pulled it off. Woot!
5. Best heated exchange between hero and heroine that I’ve seen in years. Just enough passion and anger and come-fuck-me eyes to realize that when these two fight after they get married, their make-up sex is going to set Pemberley on fire.
6. BEST PROPOSAL SCENE EVER in a movie. It could so have been a horrifying mock-worthy “you complete me” moment, but Mr. Darcy pulled it off. I had to watch it like four times just to realize that yes it really was that good. Sigh.

I’m baaaaaaack! I had a great vacation in Amarillo and I want to go back. Work is icky today. Gaaaah!!!

As with all road trips, I come bearing stories and lessons learned:

1. In Oklahoma at dawn, if you’re on the OK/Arkansas border, watch for strangely happy men in trucks. He pulled up next to us on the freeway going 75mph and at first I thought he just wasn’t wearing a shirt (the man had a beer-gut and a half!) until he thrust his hips up to wave his penis at us. He had the goofiest grin on his face too! Never had a man wag his wang at me from a moving vehicle (a hotel balcony, yeah, but not a truck). My cousin (who drove with me) and I looked at each other to ask “Did you just see that?” I mean, 13 hours straight on the road can mess with your mind, but we both saw it so…EEEWWW!! LOL!!

2. Oklahoma City is non-hick (which surprised me) and is a fantastic place to stop for coffee and ice-cream (the cousin and I had opposing cravings)

3. The 24-hour Wal-Mart in Little Rock, AR is on exit 156, not 157. The gas station attendant sent us to 157 and we ended up in a severely ghetto portion of town where gas station attendant #2 of the evening gave us the proper directions. On our way out of the gas station we were propositioned by a man who couldn’t speak English, but got his point across rather eloquently with crude hand gestures. If that wasn’t enough, we had a man with a gold-coated-and-diamond-studded grill (i.e. his freaking teeth) offer to sell us CDs out of the trunk of his hoopty pimp-mobile. I think we laid rubber peeling out of that place. The Wal-Mart was actually in a nice area of town, only one exit further up the freeway. Oi!

4. Nothing is more beautiful than the Memphis skyline when you’re escaping Arkansas (and it’s Wal-Marts).

Best place names:

• Mangum, OK– It just sounds like a chewable sex toy (LOL! I may have to add that to a manuscript somewhere)
• Kickapoo, OK– because apparently, Hopoverapoo and Ickypoo were already taken.
• Nathan Bedford Forrest State Park, TN– because we’re SO proud we invented the KKK, we had to name a park after the guy! Family reunions there have lots of sheet washing involved. Hope there’s a Bed, Bath, and Beyond near by. Sheesh!
  
• Toad Suck State Park, AR– BEST ONE!!! There are no words to describe how hard the cousin and I laughed when we saw the sign for this one. I mean, Toad Suck??
  

My goals for this week:

1. Get rid of the guy who’s stalking me at work (Stealth-Dater Boy strikes again!)
2. Finish the rough draft of my spicy novella, “Luring Lorelei” (Check out my progress bar! I’m really smokin’)
3. Definitely find a way to off Stealth-Dater Boy (and not get caught, SO not worth jail time)
4. Read through the current rough draft of Every Witch Way (so I can figure out where to stuff in a new scene/sub-plot/details)
5. Steal the Beverly Feldman shoes MaryJanice Davidson got in the mail because I have huge feet too and sharing is caring! (Also, find a way to work a talented up-and-coming shoe stylist into Every Witch Way in a blatant attempt at fishing for fashionable shoes. Bonus: will drive Mad Madam M insane with jealousy because the shoe-slut aspect of my main character is totally based on her)
6. At the very least, give Stealth-Dater Boy a swirly in the office toilet.

So, last night I intended to watch Gilmore Girls and then tuck myself into bed by 9pm. Unfortunately, GG was a re-run that I’d seen before. I flipped through the channels to see if anything else was on and got sucked into the auditions of for American Idol. I know they scan for the worst singers/freaks-of-nature now because that’s what America likes to see (people who make them feel better about themselves because they can point and laugh). I couldn’t help myself. I. Had. To. Watch.

My critique partner and I have a rule that we won’t let each other sing horrifically on national TV (or write, as the case may be) unless we know it’s good stuff we’re putting out. I think some of these people need a CP to hit them with the honesty stick before they try out. Sheesh.

I finished my first review for Romance Divas and I’m polishing up review#2 for the library journal. Should be sent off by this afternoon, which means I totally met my writing goals for this week. Woo-hoo. I rock.

Also, last night I had a little free time before The OC came on and I squeezed in some new writing on Every Witch Way (I just love my new title. Shout out to Liddy Midnight for coming up with it!) Anyway, I wrote this dialogue scene between my hero and heroine and poof! I had this total epiphany about how to tie up a loose end in my book.

I didn’t know how I could possibly make it work (I totally wrote myself into a corner) and then the hero just said something and it worked itself out. No fuss, no drama. That’s what I love about my hero. I want to steal him from my heroine, but unfortunately, I also made him the faithful type. Darn!

Oh joy! I loved Firefly when it was on Fox and I was totally bummed/ heinously outraged when they cancelled it. I now own the whole shebang on DVD and I’m SO excited they made a movie. I even heard if it does well in the box office they might make –dare I say it and jinx the whole thing?–THREE movies. Yeay!!!

Serenity is all about cute men and kick-a$$ women. What more could a girl ask for?

So, go see it!!! Right now, this weekend, hurry, hurry!!! I want my three movies!!!

(Here’s how the Aussie’s do it)