Crystal Jordan :: Blog

Someone asked me what my name was today and I swear I almost said Crystal Jordan. Then when I was typing in my username to my personal email account, I typed in crystal.jordan

Um, yeah.

Sorry to burst your bubble if you thought it was, but Crystal Jordan is not my real name. I’m protecting my family’s innocence (or at least their rep at the local holy roller’s convention) by taking on a pseudonym.

So, I wanted to talk about the weirdness of it all being a person pretending to be a writer pretending to be a person (if you don’t know where that rhythm of words comes from, you must go watch Julie Andrews in Victor Victoria)

We have a delicate balance to strike as writers. Especially when we get to the point where we’re doing book signings. Since my first print book comes out in August, I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. It’ll be something of a public “outting” of my little secret. It only takes one person who knows me in real life to walk into a bookstore I’m signing in to see my pen name and poof, there goes that secret. Librarians are all about information sharing (i.e. total gossip-whores), so that would be one wildfire of a rumor around the library the next day.

Does that make me paranoid? A little, yeah.

Plus, Crystal Jordan is a bit more wicked and gregarious than the “real” Crystal–it’s still me, but with all the politeness filters blown off. So if any of my colleagues saw me in that situation it might shock the crap out of them. Of course, part of me thinks that might be fun, but the other part is a little horrified the people who know me as a nice, staid librarian might get to see me walking on my wild side. Not exactly the mental image I want them to have when we’re talking about me getting tenure at the university…or while I’m being the leader/enforcer during a meeting. I have a feeling it might lower their respect for me some, and on a lot of levels that upsets me. It’s a bad, bad thing.

So, how do I find that balance? I have to do book signings, I have to promo my work, but the thought of people giving me the “I know what you do on the weekends, you dirty wench” look is rather daunting.

You know, these are the things they never tell you you’ll have to deal with when you finally sell to New York and have that shining-awesome print book in your hot little hands.

I don’t usually talk about the negatives of my live, especially not in a public forum like this one. Y’all don’t want to hear me whine, and that’s just not the kind of energy I want to put out in the world. I mean, really, my life is pretty awesome over all.

But.

Today was a craptastic day at work.

Totally. Craptastic.

The kind of day that makes you wish you could go postal on co-workers. Or just that you’d called in sick. I would have dearly loved to call the day a do-over and made all kinds of other choices. I’m just saying.

So, instead of getting specific in my bitch about librarian life, I wanted to explain how I deal with it as a writer. It is really hard to come home from a long day of work on any regular day and be creative and make my wordcount. It’s hard to the 12th power on days like today where things spiraled down the tubes.

So, how do I deal?

Well, the truth is, some days I just can’t. I do my best, but sometimes I only manage to haul my carcass into my apartment, collapse in bed, and call to vent to the Mad Madam M. No writing gets done. I have a policy most of the time to leave work at work, but days like today make that impossible sometimes. Normally, I force myself to push through, like I did today. Since I write out of order, when days like this happen, I tend to skip right to the black moment of my book, or a fight scene, or better yet, a death scene. A really gory one if the book calls for it. Basically, I write out the bad day, and pour all that awful, negative, ugly energy into something that will give me something to show for it when it’s all over.

Did you hear that huge gust of wind that just went by? It’s not a tornado brewing, it me heaving a sigh of relief as the end of the semester passes me by. This is the time where I work on summer projects at work like overhauling curriculum, planning for the coming year, going to training, and creating online tutorials for library research stuff. Sure, I’m busy, but it’s nothing like the school year.

This semester has been especially bad, with two conference presentations to prep for (and research), and a boatload of extra research skills classes to teach my freshman, it as just a killer. So all of you moms who are dreading getting your kids back full-time, you can rest assured there are a few of us who are eternally grateful that they’re with you right now and not with us.

Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching, and I love my students, but it’s nice to have a break every now and then. Especially now. I can shift my brain into low gear at work and focus more energy on my writing when I get home at night. It’s wonderful. :)

Happy summer vacation all!

At a liberry conference this week and presented as a group with some of my co-workers. We went to lunch before the big event (note we restrained ourselves and did not indulge in a liquid lunch. That came later.)

The perfect chai.

The token male in the librarian ‘hood, TechGeek.

A fellow librarian who loves romance. And lunch.

Hee.

Persnickety Hooch and her mancakes, Guitar Hero. He came to lunch. They fed each other. *nauseating aww*

And here is the randomest video ever. For those who haven’t heard it before, that’s my obnoxious voice narrating (and giggling because I hadn’t actually intended to record. Wrong button, oops). I always sound more nasal than I think I do in real life. Note both TechGeek and Persnickety Hooch both pretending to vomit so I’ll freak out (I’m a sympathetic vomiter and they all found out. Bastids). I held strong for all of you, though! The PH also offers make out with Guitar Hero just as I stopped filming. Sorry, it’s not that kind of conference!

But we actually did work. Look!

And people came to witness it!

PH felt the need to document how I vibrate like a crackwhore right before I get up in front of an audience of my peers.

One of my students pointed this out to me–a short film directed by Lena Khan. It’s called “A Land Called Paradise” and was the winner from the One Nation Film Contest. I thought it was beautifully done.

As always, I come home bearing stories from the road trip of fun.

The few, the proud, the entertaining. Thus my update for the day.

Apparently, walking out of the library with Persnickety Hooch was bad luck this week. We were walking out to our cars again after work yesterday when I fell down cement stairs and landed on cement. It was rainy/icy out and I hit the step wrong and slipped. I’m okay, but my legs are pretty bruised and messed up, so I’m going to try to get some rest.

So… I might be scarce for the next few days and if you email, IM, PM, or try to contact me in any way up to and including sky writing and carrier pigeons, I might not get back to you right away.

Have a good weekend and wish me a speedy recovery because I have to be on my feet teaching all week next week. Ack!

Dear Sir or Madam Asshat,

I would like to point out that it was 19 degrees outside this morning when you decided it was a good time to empty an entire university library into the great outdoors.

I’ll let you pause for a moment and consider the ramifications of such a mistake.

Not getting it? Well, then. By all means, let me explain. There were at least 100 students, faculty and staff members–not to mention the beleaguered librarians–who had to stand huddling out in the frigid weather. Might I remind you that we had a snow storm yesterday and there was a lot of slush and ice on the ground for all of those people to slip and fall on. Which several of them did. You, dear sir or madam, are a lawsuit waiting to happen.

And might I also state that it was me, the lowly librarian, who had to deal with the whining, bitching, moaning, and general pissed off-ed-ness of our lovely patrons this morning. Sadly, I was unable to have your back in that little schufuffle because I wholeheartedly agreed with them that you deserved to be kicked around in aforementioned slushy snow and ice…naked.

There is, in fact, a special place in Hell for people just like you. I’m sure the Devil himself will take care of you in term of your whips, chains, and anal probing with a vibrating, spiked butt-plug. You and I both know this morning’s incident is simply your cry for help in getting these needs met. Fate will take care of you in that regard, I have no doubt.

Until such time as that fickle wench Fate decides you need to shuffle off your mortal coil and meet Old Scratch, you can stop by my office and I’d be happy to beat some sense into you. I know you’ll enjoy it as much as I will.

Respectfully Yours,
Crystal

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I have to teach tomorrow and Monday and Tuesday. I have to finish revising a manuscript. I have DEADLINES for another manuscript.

Oh. Holy. Jesus. I feel like crap.