Why? Because she’s insane. And not in the way that erotic romance writers are insane. We had a chat the other day while driving to a Catholic store (don’t ask) about the strange phenomenon of people offering me ideas–obviously not understanding that I’m an idea whore–and saying they want 50% of the profit for me writing their awesome, amazing idea. Yeah, because the idea is the hard part. FYI: If you ever meet me, please do not do this. I have ideas of my own, and if yours is so awesome it must be written, then sit down at the computer and start typing.
Anyway, back to the insanity that is Persnickety Hooch.
Me: I hate when people offer me their lame ideas.
PH: Really? Because I have this awesome idea you should totally write.
Me: Fuck off and die, please. Thank you so much.
PH: But it’s really awesome. You’ll love it. You don’t even have to split the profit with me, you can just have it. You’d have to put me in the acknowledgment section so that people would know it was my awesome idea in the first place, of course.
Me: No.
PH: See, but you write shape-shifters! This is a shape-shifter I guarantee no one has written before.
Me: If you say a hippo or a giraffe, then I’m pulling over and your ass can walk home.
PH: No, no! It’s better than that!
Me: Oh, Jesus. I don’t want to know.
PH: Worms!
Me: Wyrms? Like another word for dragons? Because I’ve already done dragon-shifters–as have about 800 other writers.
PH: No, worm worms. It would be amazing. They can asexually reproduce.
Me: *long, stunned pause* Um, you realize erotic romance is about sex and romance, right? Not just about reproduction? So, would asexual reproduction be like masturbation? Auto-erotic reproduction–sorta like auto-erotic asphyxiation, only weirder?
PH: Exactly! It would be so hot! I mean there’s writhing and explicit acts of reproduction going on. Plus, shape-shifters! You know how those sell!
Me: I just threw up in my mouth a little.
PH: I don’t think you’re seeing the potential here.
Me: I think you’re so right about that.
PH: Think about it! Auto-erotic asexual reproduction.
Me: And how is that sexy? The worms would just do tandem auto-erotic asexual reproduction?
PH: Now you’re getting it. I think you should write this. I think it would sell and you’d get rich and famous off of my idea.
Me: Get out of my car.