The Mad Madam M has a distinct hatred of acronyms. I can only imagine how she handles those commercials where the kids and grandmother speak in text message acronym lingo until the mom goes: “I have completely failed you as a parent.”
So, in honor of that, here is the dorkiest, yet funniest, video on internet acronyms I’ve ever seen. It even has a song reminiscent of the Muppets. :)
Today’s hump day hottie…is Mad Madam M’s new retro bike, Daisy.
Here she is, sexy and turquoise.
Check out the rear view. Work it like the rent is due. Yeehaw.
And here’s how Daisy got her name. Check the tats. Oh, baby.
I’m not one to talk politics, especially in public, but the Mad Madam M pointed me in the direction of what I think is a very creative video. Will.I.Am. from Black Eyed Peas got a bunch of singers and actors together and set a speech “Yes, We Can” from Obama to music.
So, this isn’t a declaration of my politics–I pretty much think that’s no one’s business but mine…but anything that’s as creative as this needs to be shared.
M’s off house-sitting and dog-sitting for some friends and I convinced her to send pics of her and the cute little Dachshund she’s hanging out with named Tucker. Aren’t they cute?
This week we’re doing hottie couples, either from movies and television or actual real life hottie couples. Enjoy!
Mad Madam M: Clark Gable and Carole Lombard: Nobody does it better…
Crystal: It’s important to value the classics.
Mad Madam M: In most cases, I find a couple either cute or sexy. Very few can pull off both and this is one of them. Will & Jada 4 eva!!
Crystal: It’s true! I also love that when they stand up, he’s like 3 feet taller than her. I think that’s where the cuuuute factor comes in.
Mad Madam M: He’s more than a little country and she’s not really rock ‘n roll (come on you know you are laughing at that Osmond joke!), but I don’t care. They’re pretty and that’s all that matters!
Crystal: I never laugh at Osmond jokes, but they are a seriously pretty couple.
Mad Madam M: Oh lordy am I a sucker for Eskimo kisses. Feel free to point and laugh!
Crystal: Awwwww. *not pointing or laughing (much)*
Mad Madam M: Ohh…pleather and tight black t-shirts. More couples should be encouraged to coordinate in this way!
Crystal: There are few couples where I can say I’d prolly do them both, but Kate in pleather and Scott in tight black t-shirt? Oh, hell yeah.
Mad Madam M: Man I want some hottie to take me dancing. Oh and while I am wishing for unattainable things, I so want to be able to dance and pull off that dress! And get that hair?!?!? And have I mentioned the purse?!?!!?
Crystal: I love that they’re an adorably awkward couple. Stand less than three feet apart, guys!
Mad Madam M: Aww Seth & Summer. Too bad it didn’t work out in real life. That would have been too perfect I guess!
Crystal: Another he’s-two-foot-taller couple. Always a winner in my book.
Mad Madam M: So they were never really a couple in a ‘normal’ relationship way, but then again this is Whedonverse…nothing is normal!
Crystal: Is she going to stake him through the heart? That’s so hot! Awesome couple!
Mad Madam M: Come on…you know you think they’re hot too!
Crystal: Doctor Quinn and Sully! *pets pretty western people*
Mad Madam M: Looky looky…Keira almost has cleavage. Oh and Mr. Darcy is pretty as well!!
Crystal: I love Pride & Prejudice! This is such a cute picture. Awwww.
Mad Madam M: Not sure what is going on here, but I am sure that Mulder has a theory and it’ll be a good one!
Crystal: They’re kissing each other through a wall. That seems weird to me, but it is X-Files. I think weird was the point.
Mad Madam M: Oh Veronica and Logan…why couldn’t you silly kids ever make it work?!?! I mean your first kiss may be the best I have ever seen on the tellie…
Crystal: They did have an awesome first kiss scene. I may have watched it over and over again because it was so good. Just maybe.
Mad Madam M: mmm…Brad Pitt *sighs*
Crystal: Another couple I’d be happy to make a Crystal Sandwich with. Yum.
Mad Madam M:
Dear Ryan & Rachel,
Why?!?! Why?!?!? Why did you break up?!?!!? Well at least I will always have The Notebook…
Inconsolably Yours,
Mad Madam M
Crystal: Wait. They dated in real life? Aww…now I’m sad they broke it off. They were so cute together in The Notebook. :(
I may or may not have mentioned this, but I have a rule that my family knows about. I will not bring a guy home for them to meet unless it means he’s locked in. In other words, when/if I ever bring a dude around for them to meet, they better learn to love him because he’s staying. I’m very up front about this.
Apparently, my uncle and his fiancee decided that means I’m a lesbian. And that Mad Madam M is my significant other since she’s the only person I drag along to family event. Hey, the family is insane. Only locked in people get to meet them–and we’ve both decided that we’re way too old to train a new best friend, so the only way either of us is getting out is in a body bag. It works for us.
When my uncle and his now-wife-but-then-fiancee insisted I bring M to the wedding as my date and then went on for a half hour about how supportive of their lesbian couple friends that were coming to the wedding, it took us a second to catch on.
They left for the day and M turns to me and says: You know they think we’re a lesbian couple, right?
Me: Yeah, I caught on to the subtle vibe after the first fifteen minutes.
M: Um, well. At least they’re supportive of your preferences.
Me: They assume I’m gay because I don’t scare men by forcing them to meet the family. And they wonder why.
M: On the bright side, they think I’m cute enough to turn you to the dark side. Now your mom is never getting grandkids.
Me: She was never getting grandkids from me anyway, and she already has a granddaughter from my brother so she’ll live. What bothers me is that you’re girlier than me in general, which means they don’t just think I’m a lesbian, they think I’m the butch lesbian of our relationship.
M: Yeah, that does suck for you.
Me: Shut up!
Fast forward six months to Thanksgiving. I hung out with grams and gramps and then head over to M’s place for her family dinner. M and her mom have been cooking for days, and then we’re standing for an hour or so doing dishes. Anyone who’s done the holidays knows it’s killer on the back and feet. After we’re done, we escape to M’s room to watch a cheesy movie and I’m giving M one of my famous massages (everyone gets one, it’s my savant skill ;) ) and her uncles walk in and ogle us like they caught us doing something lewd. I give them the what-the-fuck look and they hurry out.
She turns back to me.
M: You realize now my family thinks we’re lesbians together, too.
Me: Yep. You shameless hussy, bring your lesbian lover to a family dinner. Tsk, tsk.
M: Shut up!
Meanwhile, M’s neighbor is going out of town for turkey day and asks her to keep an eye on the place, turn lights on every night so it looks like someone is there, etc. She also offers the house to M if she wants to use her TV or whatever to watch a movie. M mentions I’m coming to town so we might take her up on it as a way to escape family-time holiday madness. The neighbor’s response was, “Oh, Crystal’s coming.” She goes off on how it’s important that M and I get our private, alone time away from family. Since we haven’t seen each other in months. And she understands our need for private time. Mind you, this woman has never even met me, but apparently she thinks M and I are a couple, too. And she offered us her house as a lesbian love shack.
So, we’re walking over to the neighbor’s house to turn on the porch light for the evening.
Me: *singing* The loooooove shack is a little old place where we can get togeeeeether.
M: *laughing* Oh, yeah. Bow chica bow bow.
And that’s why she’s my best friend. But in a totally platonic, non-lesbian way. People are so weird, I swear.
Well, M is crazy busy and I’m home sicker than a dog, so you’re getting a hodge podge of left over pictures from other HDHs that didn’t make it on those days but her pretty enough to keep.
And now more images from the cutting room floor…
Mad Madam M: I know I keep saying this, but I really do need to find this beach! It is not longer just a want…I need this location for survival and that’s that!
Crystal: There does seem to be a magical beach with pretty people somewhere. We should try and get a visitor’s day pass.
Mad Madam M: She really is quite fetching in that reclining pose!
Crystal: And that’s a really cute dress.
Mad Madam M: I just love that Zac Efron played the kid version of him on Firefly! Too funny!!
Crystal: Man, don’t ruin my Firefly hotties by talking about your inappropriate teenage crush.
Mad Madam M: What do you mean I have to wait 5 months for more Battlestar?!?! I’m not sure if I can last that long?!?!
Crystal: Hellllllo, Jamie Bamber. That is a very nice lean you’re working on right there. Men who lean well are sexy. I’m just sayin’
Mad Madam M: Ohhhh look… *points* Yummy man in suit *sighs happily*
Crystal: See? It is like we have a day pass at the zoo. And now for the hottie businessman exhibit!
Mad Madam M:
Dear Ewan,
Not sure about the eyeliner, but I looooooooooove the kilt!!!! Just thought you might appreciate the feedback!
Admiringly Yours (even with the hideous eye makeup),
Mad Madam M
Crystal: When I see I guy with his back to me, giving me the come hither look, and making his bum all easy access in a skirt…I’m thinking strap-on. Bend over and thank me later, Ewan.
Mad Madam M: Is it July 18th yet!?!?!
Crystal: I so can’t wait for the next Batman movie. He’s all dark and torment and hot. I love it.
Mad Madam M: Sometimes you really do have to sit back and enjoy the outdoors. Or at least sit in front of your computer in a comfy office chair and enjoy a hunk enjoying the outdoors.
Crystal: Amen, sister.
Mad Madam M: Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and attend high school in a tellie program. They seem to have a lot more fun than I ever did! (Although come to think of it, I am probably the perfect age now, which means I just need to figure out how to get into a tellie high school…well after the writers strike!)
Crystal: High school. *horrified shudder* Don’t even think shit like that. Never going back. Never! *horrified shudder*
Mad Madam M: Sometimes you really do have to fall for the villian. I mean at least he was a smart evil dude! (Yes I watched Live Free or Die Hard over Thanksgiving weekend. Why do you ask? Don’t people automatically know this?!?!)
Crystal: I watched it, too. I love him. He’s evil and somehow that translates to flaming hot for him. I can live with that.
Mad Madam M: If only he could do something with his hair!
Crystal: It’s called a weed-eater, man. Look into it.
Mad Madam M: Man do I miss The O.C.!
Crystal: For real! I want Ryan and Seth back!
Mad Madam M: I clearly have O.C. on the mind. If only I could find a sugar daddy to buy me the complete series on DVD. Although, what would it say about me if I only want a sugar daddy that can pony up $120? Ah…best not to think about that!
Crystal: Well, that’s just his opening salvo of sugar daddy-ness. He’d need to be good for more. We can’t have you end up with a bad sugar daddy…how will you support me in my old age?
Mad Madam M: I know, I know…variety is supposed to be the spice of life, but loyalty should count for something in this world. And he really is too pretty for words…
Crystal: *contented sigh* I never get tired of staring at him. Never.
We won’t be having Hump Day Hotties this week because Mad Madam M is out of town for her grandmother’s funeral, and it’s just not right to do it without her.
Please share a moment of silence with me for M’s loss. Keep her family in your thoughts.
Thank you.
Today’s Hump Day Hotties is brought to you by the letter B and the number 14. Random things that the Mad Madam M and I associate with the letter B.
(’B'en Foster)
Mad Madam M: The film sucked. I’m sorry it really did. However, Ben Foster was one hot Angel mutant dude.
Crystal: Man titty! I love it when we start with that.
(Christian ‘B’ale who is the awesome ‘B’atman)
Mad Madam M: Is it July 18th yet? Is it now?!?!?! What about now?!?!?!
Crystal: The previews for the next Batman movie are just a tease. It’s so not right.
(Tom ‘B’rady)
Mad Madam M: While I like Peyton Manning better - he’s one funny dude - Tom Brady is kind of hunky. Even while carrying a farm animal. That’s some pretty resilient hunkiness there!!
Crystal: yes, because we all know how you feel about barnyard animals. Especially when they’re shape-shifters.
(Adam ‘B’rody)
Mad Madam M: Ah Seth…where have you gone?
Crystal: I don’t know, but he really needs to come back.
(’B'enjamin ‘B’ratt - a twofer!!)
Mad Madam M: I love muscles…pretty, pretty muscles!!!
Crystal: I think we should see more of them. Take the shirt off. Just do it. You’ll thank me later.
(Jamie ‘B’amber)
Mad Madam M: Like you thought I would avoid a chance to oggle Bamceps. Silly readers…
Crystal: Ooooh, he even looks a little greasy and dirty. I like that.
(Gerard ‘B’utler)
Mad Madam M: *wipes drool from monitor*
Crystal: He is ten shades of pretty, isn’t he?
(David ‘B’eckham)
Mad Madam M: I think I may have used this pic before, but can you blame me for putting it up again. I mean it is Beckham wearing wife-beaters.
Crystal: And we know how much you lurrrrrv the wife-beaters. The shirt…um…not the real thing. Of course. Moving on!
(Adam ‘B’aldwin)
Mad Madam M: Your welcome, Crys!
Crystal: Yeah, baby! One of my Firefly guys!
(David ‘B’oreanaz who currently stars in ‘B’ones)
Mad Madam M: Man do I love a good lean!
Crystal: That is a very lucky door.
(Daniel Craig aka Mr. ‘B’ond)
Mad Madam M: Well hello Mr. Bond…
Crystal: Shake me, stir me, take me hard. I’m game.
(’B'rendan Fraser)
Mad Madam M:
Dear Brendan,
Why are you doing this to me?!?!? I’m trying so hard to keep it together. I keep telling people I am handling the television writers strike well and then you go and have your hunky self fondle a tellie set. How am I expected to keep a brave face when you make me think about it in such seductive terms? I mean, please help a girl out because we all know I need as much help as I can get!
Affectionately Yours (given that you stop taking pictures with tellies),
Mad Madam M
Crystal: There, there. The writer’s strike won’t go on forever, M. The shows will come back.
(’B'rad Pitt)
Mad Madam M: *guh*
Crystal: There are no words. Brad Pitt, few clothes, and caffeine. Mmmmmmmm.
(’B'o’b'b’y Cannavale - a trifler! )
Mad Madam M: I never knew he looked so much like Clive and we all know that ain’t a bad thing!
Crystal: Exactly! We get Clive with the letter C, though. And that’s next in the alphabet. Hooray!
The Pirate Next Door
Jennifer Ashley
Leisure Books, 2003
352 pages
Total Time to Read: An evening
Completely Subjective Grade: B+
A short and useless review of the tome after I locate my pirate eye patch…
The Novelty Girls