Crystal Jordan :: Blog

1. Flying. Though the obvious issues with how it would jack up my hair could be a deterrent here.

2. X-ray vision. Walking by the dressing room of the Thunder From Down Under would be a whole new experience if I could see through the wall.

3. Super-hearing. Dude, none of the office gossip would get past me. And I’d never have to leave my office to find it.

4. Super-strength. Though the fear of crushing my date like a leetle bug if sort of a turn off. Unless it’s a blind date…then it could be a plus.

5. Shape-shifting. Hello, Angeline Jolie. I am your doppelganger.

6. Weather control. My hair will never be frizzy again!

7. Telepathy. Oh, to get inside the minds of men. I could finally figure what the hell they’re thinking. If anything.

8. Duplication. Just think–their could be a hundred of me getting stuff done. Wait. Then there’d be a hundred of me that I’d have to deal with. Ick. Never mind.

9. Invisibility. This one would be fun for the combined reasons listed under super-hearing and x-ray vision. Hello, naughty.

10. Selective hearing. Oh, wait. I already have that super-power. Just ask my mother.

11. Super-speed. I could get everything done, pronto. And spend more time sleeping and hanging out with friends. And sleeping.

12. Adamantium claws. Because have you seen the X-Men movie? Wolverine is hawt. And we would so be soul mates if I had claws, too.

13. Telekenesis. I could just be hanging out writing and the vacuuming, dishes, dusting, and laundry would all be doing themselves. Oooooh, yeah baby. I think we have a winner.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Are you Mormon?

2. My place is within walking distance.

3. What’s your sign?

4. Are you drunk? Can I buy you a drink?

5. You’re a librarian? That’s hot.

6. That’s a big slit in the back of your skirt. You should wear it the other way.

7. Are you legal?

8. How many drinks does it usually take to get you drunk?

9. Are you married? Is your husband here?

10. I’ve always wanted to do it in a public place.

11. Are you and your friend lesbians? Can I watch?

12. I wonder what your tattoo tastes like.

13. What color are you panties? Can I see?

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. When my cousin calls and tells me she’s getting married in July.

2. When my cousin changes her wedding date so that I can come (I was going to be at RWA and not be able to make the wedding. It’s wonderful to be loved and wanted, isn’t it?)

3. When my cousin calls back two days later to say she just got a call from her doctor…a routine physical showed she’s just barely pregnant.

4. I’m going to be an auntie for a third time! (Yes, she’s my cousin and not my sister, but we grew up next door to each other and her kids will call me Aunt Crystal. It’s how my family works–go with it)

5. When I realize this will technically make me an auntie for the fourth time because my cousin’s sister is having a baby in June.

6. When my other cousin, the sister, calls to tell me she just found out she’s having a boy!

7. When my uncle calls to make sure I’m coming to his wedding in late June. (’tis the season, apparently. These are the first weddings and babies in over two years)

8. When Eden Bradley finds out I’ll be in California in late June/ early July and insists I come for a BBQ on the Fourth of July and make use of her guest room. (Again, nice to be wubbed)

9. When the Mad Madam M buys a new fern and we sit around debating on what to name it (yes, yes, we both really do name our plants–they stay alive longer that way, I swear!)

10. When a very dear friend (who refuses to be named, but she knows who she is) sells to Ellora’s Cave. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY *deep breath* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

11. When I finish a novel *small squee*

12. When my business cards and magnets come and they’re PERFECT. (Because we’ve all heard horror stories about people gets screwed over by the printer on book marks and business cards)

13. When, even though there are loud ass construction workers, I still have a week off of work to write.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men.

2. Puppies.

3. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men in uniform.

4. The smell of dirt after a spring rain.

5. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men strapped to a chair so I can have my wicked way with them.

6. Long walks on the beach.

7. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men on motorcycles.

8. Clean sheets.

9. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men with sexy tattoos.

10. Fuzzy bunnies.

11. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men in in my bed.

12. My nieces’ laughter.

13. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men in just a pair of jeans.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. I’m a picky eater, so yes, there are thirteen foods. And some of them I’ll admit are weird. Like COFFEE. I hate coffee. I really want to like it–it SMELLS so good, but it tastes like tar mixed with eau de roadkill. And what adult in America doesn’t like coffee? Me. That’s it. Just me.

2. Eggs. I used to eat them all the time when I was little, and now I can’t stand the taste unless they’re scrambled and buried under a mountain of ketchup and hash browns.

3. Egg salad. I see it, especially SMELL it, and I will lose whatever happens to be in my tummy at the time. I kid you not.

4. Brussel sprouts. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this. They look like little shrunken heads and they taste like farts. Gross, but true.

5. Peas. I’ll gonna ick you out a bit and admit I can’t stand these because it feels like little zits are popping in my mouth when I eat them.

6. Onions. I like them cooked because they take on the flavor of whatever you cooked them with, but raw? Ewwwwww. And they leave their pungent flavor behind. When they come on a salad I have to pick them off AND anything that’s touched them. Contamination, I tell you. All that lettuce was fraternizing with the enemy.

7. Fish. I looks good, it even smells good. And all those cooking shows that say almost crusted salmon in a raspberry glaze make my tongue long to try it. Alas and alack, I have yet to experience fish that didn’t taste like…well, fish.

8. Lamb. Let me qualify this. I LOVE lamb when it’s prepared in the Greek style with all those yummy spices. Any other way is just foul (and I don’t mean the bird kind here, either).

9. Sweet pickles. Give me crunchy, spicy, kosher dills. That other stuff need not apply.

10. Sweet potatoes. My grams just loves these any which way they come. Me? Not so much. They taste like potatoes that are trying too hard to be dessert. And that’s just not right.

11. Tiramisu. I’m willing to admit that perhaps I’ve never had this prepared well, but every time I’ve had it the texture…or something…has just been a bit off. I can’t put my finger on it.

12. Brown rice. It tastes like dirt.

13. Raisins. But only sometimes. I have an on-again/off-again relationship with the shriveled grape. Y’all are never inviting me over to your house for dinner, are you? I’m a very good guest, really! I’ll eat whatever’s put in front of me. The only tell I have is that if I hate it, I drink a lot of water with every bite. And then I’ll need to use your bathroom.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Because your husband/boy toy/significant play thing will thank you when you’re done. I guarantee it. *used car salesman smile*

2. Two words: Backdoor luvin’.

3. Because I’m cheaper than a grande latte with no whip. And how many women can say that about themselves?

4. Because he has a big sword. A very big sword.

5. It’s like Robin Hood Men in Tights, without the tights. Without that many clothes at all towards the end.

6. Because it’s deep, emotional, and people get naked.

7. Because this is how babies are made when people really, really love each other.

8. Because I actually had to use my degree in history to write this. Check it out, ma! All that money you put into my education? Payin’ off right here!

9. Because I’m cute. See the picture over on the left? That’s cute. And cute people should have their books bought (with some make up, a professional photographer, and some Photoshop touch-ups, you, too, could be this cute)

10. Because there’s a mostly naked man on the cover. I guarantee this is not false advertising.

11. Because the heroine a very nice girl who reads dirty books. I know you can relate to this.

12. Because reunion stories are hot. Unlike secret babies, Greek baby-daddies, or sheik baby-daddies.

13. Because it’s a damn good story. I should know. I wrote it.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Get a picture of Shelli Stevens’ boobs. (I already have one from last year)

2. Hump Lillian Feisty’s leg on the dance floor.

3. Make R.G. Alexander sing karaoke all by herself.

4. Spank Eden Bradley, but only on one cheek because she hates to be uneven. Mwah ha ha!

5. Steal Loribelle Hunt’s camera and get a picture of her for once.

6. Kiss Lacy Danes on the lips because it’s not fair that only Eden got to last year.

7. Not get drunk. I am limited to only one drink per night, so no one gets a picture of me singing karaoke by myself while flashing my ta-tas.

8. Kick Emma Petersen if she snores because she’s my roommate and I’m a light sleeper. If that doesn’t work, I will resort to more drastic measures to ensure peaceful slumber. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

9. Stuff manuscript pages under a bathroom stall at an agent or editor in an effort to sell my book. I think it’s an urban legend that that ever happened, and I want it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

10. Pitch my book to an editor or agent and be so impressive they’ll offer be a million dollar contract and beg me to write a forty book series a la Wheel of Time.

11. Short sheet Cassidy Kent/Jax Crane’s bed. It’ll have to be very short sheeted because she’s on the mini-me side of life.

12. Run like hell from Kristen Painter when she realizes I’ve slipped past her wicked defenses to short sheet the mini-me’s bed.

13. Moon Gemma Halliday when she wins the RITA award for her novel Spying in High Heels. At first I said Eden and I would flash our ta-tas at her, but I realized it won’t work with the dress I’m wearing. Thus, I will simply have to moon her.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. R.G. Alexander 2. Jennah Sharpe 3. Rhonda Stapleton 4. Gina Ardito 5. Diana Castilleja 6. Emma Wayne Porter 7. Debora Dennis-Mills 8. Jennifer McKenzie 9. Elle Fredrix 10. Samantha Lucas 11. Emma Sinclair 12. Shonna Brannon 13. Eden Bradley 14. Heather 15. Yolanda Sfetsos 16. Rene Lyons 17. Michelle Pillow 18. Bianca D’Arc 19. Kate Willoughby 20. Brenda Williamson 21.Margo Lukas 22. Eva Gale 23. Shari Straight 24. Chelle Sandell 25. Jax Crane
(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)