Crystal Jordan :: Blog

I was interviewed over at Lady Jaided about my EC release, Black Opals. And maybe gave out a few other naughty tidbits. Enjoy!

My first release with Ellora’s Cave is out today! Weee!

Lorna Malone is having a day from hell. She had a one night stand with her best friend, SWAT officer Tyrone Forrester, and had to sneak out before he woke up. Her wild night is making her late to a photo shoot for her biggest advertising agency client, Carraway Jewelers. She stops at a gas station and manages to lock her keys — and a small fortune in black opal and diamond necklaces — in her car.

Tyrone is furious when he finds Lorna left him after their amazing night together. He’s wanted her for years, but he got burned in his last relationship. His ex couldn’t handle his dangerous job, so now he doesn’t do serious, and he doesn’t play for keeps. But with Lorna, one taste is all it takes to convince him that he’s met his match — if he can help her see that her luscious curves make her desirable.

Check it out here!

Or that’s what Dayna would call them. For the past year, I’ve known I needed a new cell phone. I’ve had mine for almost 6 years, and for 2 of those years it was my sole means of communication. No land line, it was all cell. Which means that poor darling piece of equipment has been used, abused, ridden hard, and put away wet.

In the last few weeks, it’s been harder and harder to push the buttons and make it work. I’ve had to accept that it’s really, truly dying and I really, truly need a new one.

So, I went shopping. Online. In the stores. Read reviews. Played with other people’s phones. Decided what features I needed or could live without. I’m a librarian. We research.

I finally decided on this lovely little darling: the Sony Ericsson w810i. Sleek, pretty, shiny, and the same brand as my current phone, so most of the buttons work the same. Woot!

I’m over on The Smutketeers blaming Eden Bradley for making me become a smutty writer.

What? It’s totally all her fault. No, really. It is!

I went to see David Sedaris live last night. If you’ve never read his books or listened to his audiobooks, you really, really need to.

Try Holidays on Ice:

Or Me Talk Pretty One Day:

And those are just for starters. You reeeeally need to read his work. And it’s essays, so it’s short little segments, so it’s easy to digest.

When he first walked on stage, the lights were up in the theater. He covered his eyes, and begged into the microphone, “Can it be darker?” Long pause, nothing happens. Then he repeats, “No, really. Can it be darker?” Apparently, he has nightmares of being able to see his large audience and it’s better if he just pretends we’re not there. I guess he’s reading to a laugh track in his head?

The title of this post was one of his nods to Utah, and the audience almost died of laughter. Also, during the question and answer segment, the lights were in his eyes, so he kept pointing and calling on people who weren’t actually raising their hands to ask a question. The first time was funny, the fourth just had the audience rolling.

My favorite piece last night was about “Slave Monkeys” and his jealousy of being comedically upstaged by his little Slave Monkey, pictured here.

It was pretty much like this:

I added a new widget to my blog’s sidebar that will give you the updates from my Twitter account.

Thanks to Dayna for filling me in on that sweet bit of lovely goodness.

I also revamped my Twitter page…and I’m in the process of revamping The Novelty Girls’ website this week. We’re on hiatus until the 27th.

Okay, I think that’s all I’ve got for you. Happy Monday!

So, I didn’t get around to blogging yesterday because I was helping a friend out with her site.

That’s right, I converted yet another person over to the dark side of WordPress instead of HTML.

This was my first try with WordPressing a site all by myself (with a few frantic emails to the lovely Croco Designs) and ta-da! I took a freebie theme and customized it a bit to make Jennifer Leeland/Jennifer McKenzie’s new site of delight. Go lookit!

www.jenniferleeland.com

It’s purdy, huh? I done good.

To celebrate her awesomeness, she’s having a contest on her blog, so don’t forget to click the Blog link at the top of her site!

It occurred to me that we all have an internal list of what we want in Mr. Right. I’m dwelling on this because both M and I have decided to fling ourselves headlong back into the dating pool recently. Yes, I know, my family is going to think we broke up or something. Never fear, M and I remain as unlesbian as ever and still Just Friends. My family will someday get the memo, but I fear today is not that day.

Moving on!

So, requirements. I mean, I sit down when I come up with a heroine, and I make a list of all the things she needs in a man. Someone who is complimentary, but not too much alike or different. Someone who understand her issues. Someone who challenges her enough so that she (and he) will never become complacent.

I thought maybe I need a list of my own. Just a short one, with the major highlights I’m willing to reveal on the internet.

1) Intelligent. By this, I mean he doesn’t need to have the collection of university degrees I do (though bonus points if he does), but he needs to be curious about the world around him and want to constantly learn more about whatever interests him (double bonus points if he shares some of the same interests I do)

2) Humor. I love to laugh. If the guy doesn’t get my humor and think I’m funny, and vice versa with his humor, then I have found from very sad experience that we’re dead in the water. This is a must (bonus points if he’s good at making me laugh)

3) No children. This is a deal breaker. I don’t want kids, so if he does we’re at a rather life-defining impasse.

4) Insanity. I don’t want him to actually be insane, but if he’s going to survive my family gatherings, he better be able to hold his own against insane people (psychologists need not apply, I really don’t want to know what their official diagnosis is)

5) Strong. I am a hellaciously stubborn wench. I admit it. Hell, I own that shit. I’ve worked hard to build and maintain my stubborn skillage. That said, Mr. Right better be able to hold his own not just with my family, but with me. Pushovers would bore the bejesus out of me inside of an hour.

6) Non-douchebag. Another deal breaker. Douchebags need not apply. I can be a pain in the ass at times, but I think in general I’m a decent person, and I don’t want to date an asshat.

7) Friends. That’s right, he better know the value of good friends and he better be able to pass the friends-test. If the people who love me bestest see us together and raise the douchebag flag, then we might have a serious problem.

8) Chemistry. This one is less definable, but I’m sure you all can figure out why I want it. A lot.

So, there’s the list. *sigh* I’m going to be single forever, aren’t I? That kind of a man falls into the no-such-thing land of unicorns and fairy tales.

I’m doing my usual thing over at The Novelty Girls talking about a latest playlist for my work in progress. Come check it out!